46: Healing Burnout Through Books
With Dorothy Meyer, Book Seller + Small Business Owner
Are you constantly putting your needs last? In this episode, I talk with Dorothy Meyer about finding the courage to care for yourself and:
• Breaking free from perfectionism with small snippets of self-care
• Resetting from burnout by leaning on your support system and resources
• Closing the gap between your passions and your career to find more meaningful work
• Carving out time for your favorite forms of self-care like reading
Dorothy is a bookseller and small business owner in the Southern New Jersey suburbs of Philadelphia with a career background in corporate Human Resources. She is navigating her way through midlife as a highly sensitive person with an endless curiosity for expanding knowledge about the world and herself. Through the years Dorothy has struggled with perfectionism, overachieving, anxiety and susceptibility to burnout. Understanding herself as an HSP has been an integral component of her overall wellness. She enjoys reading, running, yoga, and spending time in nature.
Keep in touch with Dorothy:
• Website: http://www.renscoffeeandbooks.com
• Ren’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/renscoffeenj
• Dorothy’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theyellowbrickreader
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@renscoffeehouseandbooks
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/renscoffeehousenj
Resources Mentioned:
• Ren’s Mailing List: https://www.renscoffeeandbooks.com
• Dorothy’s HSP Reading List: https://bookshop.org/lists/dorothy-s-hsp-reading-list
• Fierce Self-Compass by Kristin Neff, PhD: https://bookshop.org/a/63892/9780062991065
Thanks for listening!
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This episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Some links are affiliate links. You are under no obligation to purchase any book, product or service. I am not responsible for the quality or satisfaction of any purchase.
Episode Transcript
Dorothy Meyer: 0:00
There's often things I wanna do and they're not always easy to do. It's just a learning and a relearning. But at the core, it's really about honoring my own needs for transition, for downtime, listening to my body and thinking about what I need, instead of meeting all the needs of everyone else.
April Snow: 0:25
Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author, april Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP without all the overwhelm. In this episode, I talk with Dorothy Meyer about the courage to care for your sensitive needs, bridging the gap between your passions and your career to find more meaningful, fulfilling work, and carving out time for your favorite forms of self-care, like reading.
April Snow: 1:06
Dorothy is a bookseller and small business owner in the southern New Jersey suburbs of Philadelphia. With a career background in corporate human resources, she is navigating her way through midlife as a highly sensitive person with an endless curiosity for expanding knowledge about the world and herself. Through the years, dorothy has struggled with perfectionism, overachieving, anxiety and susceptibility to burnout. Understanding herself as an HSP has been an integral component of her overall wellness. She enjoys reading, running yoga and spending time in nature.
April Snow: 1:41
For more HSP resources and to see behind the scenes video from the podcast, join me on Instagram, tiktok or YouTube at Sensitive Strengths or sign up for my email list. Links are in the show notes and at sensitivestoriescom. And just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with mental health or medical professional. Let's dive in. Hi, dorothy, welcome to the podcast. I'm so happy to have you here. As some folks may not know, we are long-term friends from college and we've really reconnected over the last few years, which is really sweet, so I'm so happy to have you here today.
Dorothy Meyer: 2:41
Yeah, thank you so much for having me April. It's been great to reconnect with you.
April Snow: 2:45
Yes, and one thing we bonded over is our shared sensitivity, which we did not know at the time when we first met, which I absolutely love that we discovered these new parts of ourselves that we have in common. So I'm really curious to know if you remember how or when you realized that you're a highly sensitive person.
Dorothy Meyer: 3:06
Yeah. So if I think back to my childhood, I definitely would say I was always on the shy side. Some people probably describe me as painfully shy, Like a couple of examples, my kindergarten teacher. He didn't actually believe that I knew how to read, even though I was reading before I was ever school-aged. I actually had a friend in kindergarten who acted as my spokesperson and I remember also going out to restaurants. I wouldn't order from waiters by myself until I was about 12 or 13 years old, so just really reserved and quiet as a child.
Dorothy Meyer: 3:41
But when I first heard about highly sensitive person as a concept, I had an aversion to that. When I first heard about highly sensitive person as a concept, I had an aversion to that. The word sensitive I was raised where it's admirable to be stoic, not show that sensitivity, so it gave me the connotation of a super emotional person over in the corner crying like a big feelings word and I always was more of a or still am like a logical, rational thinking type person. That sensitive word didn't really resonate with me at first. But if I stop and think about it another way, thinking about the nervous system, did I always have a sensitive nervous system? I definitely did, Moving through the world cautiously, in an observer role, sometimes fearful or hypervigilant, so that way it did resonate.
April Snow: 4:29
Yeah, there's always those signs that it's there.
Dorothy Meyer: 4:32
Yeah, definitely, and one summer about 10 to 15 years ago, I was going on a vacation to the beach. It's funny you think of a beach read and everyone has a different definition for that. This summer we were going to Nantucket and I brought the highly sensitive person Elaine Aron's book with me, so that was my beach read for the summer. I just remember really it being like an academic dense book that I was sitting on the beach reading, like diving into, connecting with the material in there, and so that started to resonate more with me. And then, other than that, it's really been following the work that you've been doing.
April Snow: 5:07
Yeah, it's definitely an unconventional beach read, but at least for me. When I found the book I was just drawn to it and I had not heard the term before. But when I saw the book I was like, oh, this is me. It just really spoke to me. So I'm wondering if you remember what made you choose that particular book for that?
Dorothy Meyer: 5:28
trip. Yeah, it's funny, I don't actually remember those details. I just have the specific memory of that book being in my beach bag on that vacation isn't that funny how that works.
April Snow: 5:39
You just end up we just end up with these books in our laps.
Dorothy Meyer: 5:43
I know I love that when a book just organically ends up in your life somehow.
April Snow: 5:47
It's funny how that's happened to me so many times, where someone will just hand me a book or even sometimes I've had a book for years, but I'll just for some reason pull it off the shelf at that point and then changes your whole life.
Dorothy Meyer: 6:01
I love that. There's nothing better than finding the right book at the right time.
April Snow: 6:05
Yeah, it's so true. So, as you learn more and more about your sensitivity, it sounds being able to weave together those different parts of your experience Because, as you said, you maybe didn't fit the typical stereotypical HSP, being only super emotional. You're also stoic and intellectual, and I love that. I think we share that in common, having both of those parts. But as you've learned about it, would you say that you've accepted it, or would you go that far? Yes, oh, that's wonderful, because I know that can be such a hard process, and I also know that in your acceptance you started to make a lot of changes. So I'm wondering what adjustments would you say you've made to start to honor your sensitive needs more recently?
Dorothy Meyer: 6:51
When I think about that question, it's really the first thing I want to say. It's an ongoing process, because there's often things I want to do and they're not always easy to do. It's just a learning and a relearning, thinking about making adjustments and keeping them, but at the core, it's really about honoring my own needs, my needs for transition, for downtime, just listening to my body and thinking about what I need, instead of meeting all the needs of everyone else.
April Snow: 7:21
It's so easy to put everyone else first, especially as an HSP, and then we end up putting ourselves last.
Dorothy Meyer: 7:28
Yeah, definitely I've fallen into that over the years. The issue for me is just getting beyond overwhelmed. I get really beyond my limits before I realize that I've gone too far. So that's been a learning as well.
April Snow: 7:42
Yeah, there's a lot of times where we push ourselves too far. We're in that state of chronic anxiety or burnout, we're sick, we're struggling with our mental health, and then it's wait. I know I've been in this place. Something has to change. So I'm wondering if you've been in those spaces before. We've pushed yourself too far.
Dorothy Meyer: 8:00
I definitely have, and I turned 40 this past year and that was just such a huge milestone for me. I think I had a lot of apprehension leading up to it and I just inserted so much meaning to it, so that's been a really big part of my journey. Especially, and actually earlier this past year, I had to remove myself from work for a time and just really take some time to rest and recover.
April Snow: 8:28
Yeah, we really we don't realize that a lot of times, the only thing that will work is just to take a break. I found that it's not just a weekend or a vacation. We need true rest and true breaks, and I'm wondering if you're open to sharing about that.
Dorothy Meyer: 8:43
I did work with my doctors my primary care physician, my therapist and I ended up being out for the full allotted time of FMLA three months or 12 weeks. And it's interesting I could say this it took so much to convince myself that I actually needed to be out of work. I just have this history of being a workhorse, an overachieving perfectionist. So when you take that combined with the fact that I'm a caregiver for some family members it was winter, there were extra things to be done shoveling, snow, things like that it really just became too much and it just took a little bit of personal courage. To admit to the doctors and then to hear their immediate, complete, compassionate feedback was just so relieving because I wasn't able to give that to myself.
April Snow: 9:33
Yeah, you really do need that validation, especially when you have so much going on that it's okay to take a break.
Dorothy Meyer: 9:39
It was really important for me. The funny thing is I was out of work, I was resting, recovering, and it's just this tendency in my personality to want to be productive immediately. Okay, like maybe I rested for, say, a week and then I immediately started signing up for courses. I was signed up for three courses. I was on my time off, I wasn't at my job, I was still doing some caregiving, I was trying to take care of myself and I thought the best way to take care of myself is to learn, to educate myself, to make the most of this time off, to enroll in a self-compassion course. And then I was enrolled in this other course and before I knew it, I was talking to my therapist saying again I'm overwhelmed, it's so relatable. Yeah, so at first I just replaced one thing with another and missed the point entirely. That was the start of my time off.
April Snow: 10:34
Yeah, I can relate so much. It's so easy to do where you want to maintain that equilibrium, even if that's harming you. And then it takes a long time to hear those permissions and let them sink in that it's okay to do nothing especially I know you're still caregiving and living your life and taking care of your home but at least to do less that it can be okay to do that and to focus on yourself. That's really hard to do, especially if you're used to being in that caregiver role or I think, as you called it, that workhorse mode. It's doing nothing, at least for me. It often feels uncomfortable, it's edgy, a little dangerous.
Dorothy Meyer: 11:10
That's exactly what I was thinking. It feels uncomfortable. It really does.
April Snow: 11:14
We need that emptiness right, that space. I know I would be doing the same thing. You want to resource yourself, you want to learn, you want to take advantage of this time off. It's a great opportunity to do all the things that you haven't had time to do for yourself, and work and all the other things are taking up space, but then you can maybe learn that there's. You need some things to put in your toolbox because you have all this time. It's easy to overwhelm yourself again. It's really hard.
Dorothy Meyer: 11:38
Just a few weeks in, I had to relearn the lesson. That's not what rest and recovery actually means.
April Snow: 11:43
Yeah, yeah, it's a constant relearning, just coming back to that again and again. What rest actually is that it's actually okay to slow down, it's okay to stop. I'm wondering if you felt like you've been able to shift that mindset at all, or if you're still struggling to slow down. I'd say that I've been able to shift that mindset at all, or if you're still struggling to slow down.
Dorothy Meyer: 12:01
I'd say that I've been able to shift it, definitely not entirely, but enough for me right now. Towards the end of the leave, I was in a much better state. I had done some really soothing activities. I went on a retreat, I did yoga, went on some goat hikes, forest walk, meditations.
April Snow: 12:21
So many great things and so many restorative things that you were adding in there.
Dorothy Meyer: 12:26
Yeah, just really trying to take a chance to slow down and do less. And then, returning to work, I definitely was in a much better space. I was determined to not allow myself to get overworked again. But I know that's definitely still and always going to be a challenge for me. It's just something I have to be very intentional about going forward.
April Snow: 12:48
It definitely takes a lot of intention just really focusing, instead of going into those automatic responses, those old patterns. And I know that you're balancing work, caregiving Also. You're opening up. You've helped open up a new business, so that's also on your plate. I'm wondering how are you keeping your feet on the ground as you wear multiple hats?
Dorothy Meyer: 13:12
Yeah, that's a great question. My wife had this passion project, this idea to open a coffee shop in a bookstore, so I started out in the supporter role. I said that's awesome, you do that. And she needed a push to take the leap and do it, and I was definitely able to give her that, and I was happy to give her that. It was really exciting. I saw myself on the sidelines and then, slowly or quickly, I don't know what it just flipped and it was really fun and I decided I wanted to be a part of it. So it became a bigger and bigger role for me and I just realized how passionate I felt about it too, not just seeing her fulfill a dream, but really almost like it became a dream of mine too.
April Snow: 13:59
That's really beautiful. You started to share that.
Dorothy Meyer: 14:02
Yeah, there was so much excitement about it coming together, but the balance part is definitely tough. I mean, opening a small business is no joke. Yeah, there's not a lot of downtime right now. I think what's been driving me forward is the passion and the autonomy of it all and just being the ones making the decisions, owning something that we're both really passionate about.
April Snow: 14:26
You mentioned two pieces, two components there which I think are so important for HSPs, which is having passion and meaning in the work that you're doing. We really need that and even though that work can take a lot of energy, it usually does when we're doing something that we feel invested in, that can be more generative. It actually gives some energy back, or at least some inspiration. It feels more purposeful. And then the second piece is having autonomy. I would not trade that for anything at this point in my life. I will work so much longer, so much harder, to have that freedom over my own time. I think a lot of HSPs need that. So I'm wondering do you feel that has supported you having those two pieces in place?
Dorothy Meyer: 15:04
Yes, the passion piece. I've definitely heard you talk about that over the years In my career. I just landed an HR job. I didn't choose to have a career in HR. I never really thought it aligned with my personality.
Dorothy Meyer: 15:18
There's a lot of different aspects to HR so through the years I dabbled around and towards the end I found a niche in HRIS, which is the systems aspect, which was really good because, being as introverted as I am, I don't really want to be dealing with humans as much as HR kind of requires it by name. I was always more behind the scenes, working on systems and processes, applying attention to detail. I was able to find my space there, but I never really felt passionate about it. I wasn't even sure it was possible to be passionate about your work, like a job is just a job kind of thing. Yeah, so that's what's been really exciting about the bookstore is to feel that passion.
Dorothy Meyer: 16:03
It's not exactly new work. A lot of aspects of it I'm able to bring from my existing skill set that I formed over the years, and my wife and I are able to match our skill sets. They're opposite in a lot of ways, so everything that she loves to do are the things I wouldn't prefer to do, and vice versa, so we can really bring this powerful partnership into it. And yeah, there's such a passion in doing this work I'd never really consider even talking about a past job like that.
April Snow: 16:33
Yeah, it's amazing Like you've had this discovery, and it's so exciting to see you and Lauren come together and bring your two skill sets together. Seeing the coffee shop and then the bookstore, and just thinking about how amazing it must be to combine forces here and to own your own business, that seems like a dream.
Dorothy Meyer: 16:53
Honestly, it still feels like a dream some days. It's no, we actually own a bookstore.
April Snow: 16:59
I know how exciting is that. I know reading is such an important self-care practice for you and how important books are for you and how they really shaped you. So I'd love to dive into that a little bit, if you're open to sharing more about your favorite types of books to read.
Dorothy Meyer: 17:16
Yes, so this is definitely a hard question to narrow down. I bet I read pretty widely, broadly across genres. I also do a pretty even mix of nonfiction and fiction. So when I think about nonfiction, I really love personal development books. For some reason I'm hooked into time management books, anything that takes a really deep dive into basically any topic that I'm just slightly interested in. I also really like nature writing. I love memoirs, especially memoirs that describe a niche occupation, so it's mixing in that deep dive element Like I read a book about a lexicographer once, just so fascinating.
Dorothy Meyer: 18:00
And then I would say, on the fiction side, I've been told I like my fiction with a dose of philosophical existentialism. Yes, yeah, take that as you may, that tracks, I think, at the core. I love a character-driven novel that's rooted in reality. So it could be family sagas, specifically sibling-centric sagas. I've always been fascinated by birth order and that gets played out a lot in fiction. Again, that deep exploration that comes into play. I'm always drawn to those books. I think the books that land the deepest in my favorite shelf are the ones that extrapolate on deeper existential questions, diving into those depths of your experience as a human.
April Snow: 18:43
I love how you talk about this and how wide your interests are and you love learning and are so passionate about this. I definitely have a much more narrow interest in reading. I tend to read almost exclusively nonfiction, probably because of work. I remember I had a professor once say you will never read for yourself again once you become a therapist, and that has actually become true. So I'm almost always reading in either the psychology or self-help space. I'm curious when you have such a wide menu of options as a reader, how do you choose what you're reading at any given time? Are you reading multiples at once?
Dorothy Meyer: 19:23
Yeah, so I'm typically reading three to five books at once, and so I vary the format. I read audiobooks and print books. That helps me read more than one at once. Also, having that mixture of nonfiction and fiction helps me read more than one at once. If I get drawn into one more than the others, I'll probably stick with it, but I always have multiples going. I have a lot of books on my shelf I haven't read yet, so that's a natural place for me to decide what to read next. And now, with the bookstore, I'm keeping up with new releases. I'm reading a little bit outside of my own personal taste. Just trying to help curate the selection for the store. Yeah, there's really no shortage of places that I'm looking for new books.
April Snow: 20:02
I love it, how fun that must be to just have reasons to dive into other titles. And I know that you're at this point working at the bookstore and your own personal level of reading. You're really immersed in all the corners of the book world, and I heard you mentioned that you consume audiobooks on a regular basis. So I just want to clarify for a moment does listening to an audiobook count as reading a book? Because I know that comes up a lot.
Dorothy Meyer: 20:28
Oh yeah, absolutely it counts. Okay, yeah, it's been proven your brain goes through the same motions whether you're reading in print or listening to audiobook. And yeah, honestly, with my schedule lately I've been reading more audio than print books. But yeah, they definitely count.
April Snow: 20:43
Oh, that's so good to hear. So it's okay. If you don't have either the capacity or the time to sit and hold a book, you could be on a walk, a car ride, you could be cleaning your house and being with a book, listening to an audiobook.
Dorothy Meyer: 20:59
Yes, definitely it makes your chores better if you have an audiobook going while you're doing them. And I would say the great thing about audiobooks also is that they're oftentimes, if you're listening to nonfiction or a memoir, for example, they're oftentimes read by the author and that really not only is it the same as reading in print, but oftentimes it enhances the book because you have that person's voice, kind of reading the words to you. Or, if you think about a fiction book, they are sometimes read by celebrity authors, a well-known voice. So again, not only is audiobook the same as print book, but oftentimes there are certain books that are enhanced on audio.
April Snow: 21:37
I totally agree, because I'm a huge Brandi Carlile fan and she put out a memoir at some point during the pandemic called Broken Horses and I and I wanted to hear her voice telling the story. But also, at the end of every chapter she sings a song that relates to the story and it just made it come to life for me in such a rich way. That was the first time I was like this is the power of an audio book. I got it.
Dorothy Meyer: 22:01
Yes, I read that on audio too, and that is definitely a perfect example.
April Snow: 22:07
Yes, and now that you just said that, I was like wait, this actually could be true for a lot of other audiobooks. I had to put that together Because I have heard books that are not in the author's voice and sometimes it's a little jarring or disjointed, especially if you know the person. You've seen them, maybe on video or in a movie, or even heard them on a podcast.
Dorothy Meyer: 22:27
It's like wait, this isn't right on a podcast is wait, this isn't right, yeah, yeah. And so there are, like often, celebrity memoirs read by that person, which is really cool. And then you said, with the Brandi Carlile book, there are often like hidden treasures in an audio book that you might not even realize are in there. If it's a musician, they're adding songs. So, yeah, they're definitely a lot of fun.
April Snow: 22:47
Oh, I love this. It makes me want to explore audiobooks more, because it's not my first choice, because I'm not a strong audio learner, but having the visceral experience of the music, or just having the voice and hearing it, and having it match up with the emotion of the story, makes a big difference for me. Yeah, yeah, totally. Something I always struggle with, though, is and maybe you have some thoughts on this is how do we find more time to read? As HSPs, we have a really small bandwidth compared to other people. We do need to spend some of our time quietly reflecting, recharging, not necessarily taking in new information or reading, so how can we find enough time to read.
Dorothy Meyer: 23:27
Yeah, that's a really great question. Some of what we talked about with letting myself get overwhelmed and putting others before myself. Reading is one of the things that I drop the soonest. I have this tendency to drop my own priorities first, and that's unfortunate, because reading is one of my favorite pastimes and it's really important to me. So what I try to do me personally more productive in the mornings and anything I want to do, I get it done in the morning. Yeah, I think it's a really calming experience. Start my day with a cup of coffee and just spend 20 minutes reading. The snippets of time can be 10 minutes if that's all you have, as long as you try to add it in and make it a habit every day or most days of the week and you're getting some reading done.
April Snow: 24:17
That's so true. Allow yourself to read in snippets. I think that's a great practice in letting go of perfectionism, because I think, if you can, I think about this with my yoga as well, you know, I don't have to do a full hour or two hours. Even I can do 10 or 20 minutes and that actually adds up over the week. If I think about 20 minutes every morning, that's almost two hours of reading. If you're doing that every day and I love that practice of feeding yourself first, metaphorically in the morning, you're doing something for yourself first.
April Snow: 24:46
I really do think it sends a signal to your nervous system that my needs matter. I'm going to drink a cup of coffee or tea. I'm going to eat my breakfast. Signal to your nervous system that my needs matter. I'm going to drink a cup of coffee or tea, I'm going to eat my breakfast, I'm going to do my reading or my meditation, whatever it is, before I answer emails, before I take care of someone else's needs, if that's possible, I think that's such an important message to send. So I'm curious if we could dive into what you're currently reading in the mornings or just generally.
Dorothy Meyer: 25:11
Yeah, sure. So the first book I'm currently reading is Meditation for Mortals by Oliver Berkman. This is actually a follow up to his last book, which was called 4,000 Weeks. So these are personal development, time management books, but they're more focused on the philosophical aspect of it rather than the productivity aspect of it, and that's something I really love. So the interesting thing about Meditation for Mortals is in the introduction he suggests that you read one chapter a day, which was really hard for me at first, because I could have just listened to this book in one sitting. Oh sure, yeah, I'm doing the audio version of it alongside the print version, and I really had to slow myself down with it, but I'm at the point where it's been really nice, taking it in a daily increment and kind of every morning. I'm looking forward to that five to seven minute meditation.
Dorothy Meyer: 26:05
And then another nonfiction book that I just recently started. It's called I Heard there Was a Secret Chord by David Levitan, subtitled Music is Medicine. So I picked this one up on a whim. We got it into the bookstore. It was released this past year and it sounded really interesting, so I downloaded the audio version. Within the first two chapters I was just mind blown at how fascinating. Yeah, it's definitely one of those deep dive books. For sure he's writing in an academic style. It's a little bit more dense, but it's fascinating to think about what he's talking about. He's really just in the first couple of chapters he's diving into the way your brain works memory and music and just those two topics alone. I'm happy with the book. But I think where he's going from here is he's going to take an argument about music serving as medicine for different diseases or cognitive disorders, things that involve memory, like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. I'm really excited to keep going with this one.
April Snow: 27:11
Yeah, we just talked about music and it's so healing. It's something that's definitely, I would say, my number one form of self-care, like deep self-care, and it's, of course, great when you're struggling with memory, helping you come back to yourself to reactivate those memories. It's really incredible.
Dorothy Meyer: 27:27
Yeah, I've always loved music. It's definitely hitting a lot of things in my wheelhouse. So then, on the fiction side, right now I also have a couple of books going. I'm reading margo's got money troubles. That's the newest release from rufy thorpe. She's been one of my favorite authors in recent years. I actually discovered her back in 2020 with her release called the Knockout Queen. Her writing style is just incredible. She writes a depth of character, like from page one, that I just can't get over. If you really like to sympathize with a character, even if they're flawed or making bad decisions, this is what Rufy Thorpe will do to you with her writing. You will love her characters like you know them.
April Snow: 28:14
Yeah, it sounds like she makes them really humanizing.
Dorothy Meyer: 28:18
Yes, and then the other book I'm currently reading is All Fours by Miranda July, so that one also came out this past year. This one was recommended to me by a friend and again within the first chapter I was just hooked into the writing style, so I'm looking forward to working through that.
April Snow: 28:35
It sounds like you have this nice balance of really complex, deep top as such an HSP reader. Yeah, and something that stood out to me you mentioned writing style, which is not something I've ever I don't say that I've really thought about in when I'm choosing books, so I'm curious if you could give just say a few words about that. I'm curious to hear more what you're looking for. Yeah, I can try to describe that. I know it's probably just a feeling, but if you could, whatever you can share, I'd love to hear.
Dorothy Meyer: 29:05
I definitely think it's something I want to underline, I want to quote, but then again something that's not going to be too flowery, not too many beautiful words, really again rooted in reality, really descriptive, rich in details, describing the characters, describing the setting, just really making you feel like you're either in the setting or you could be sitting right next to the character by the time you're absorbed into the middle of the book. You're right there with them, you actually feel like you know them. I just found with these two books, they almost grab you into that place within the first chapter or two.
April Snow: 29:40
It sounds really immersive, like it jumps off the page, which is so important for us as HSPs because we need that nuance, that depth. So I'm wondering you know, from your current to be read pile, what is calling to you?
Dorothy Meyer: 29:54
I have a pile of 32 books sitting next to me, so immediate. Tbr.
April Snow: 29:59
You always make me feel better about this, by the way.
Dorothy Meyer: 30:02
Yeah, and aside from that stack here, I have 700 logged, but honestly I'm slightly embarrassed to say this to your audience, someone. On my immediate TBR is the work of Kristen Neff, because I understand she's the godmother of self compassion and I've heard so much about the work I feel familiar with it already, though I've never actually read it yeah and one of the things I really wanted to focus on was self-compassion, revisiting the burnout or the apprehension I felt around turning 40.
Dorothy Meyer: 30:36
Just being in this phase of life, I feel like I've always conceptually understood self-compassion, but being able to implement it is completely different, and so I feel like there have only been truly a few occasions where I've really been compassionate to myself. So, trying to bring that into regular practice and definitely looking forward to reading her work and then another one I would say is Devotions by Mary Oliver. That's a poetry compilation and I'm leaning into poetry lately, so I'm really looking forward to that and I'm leaning into poetry lately, so I'm really looking forward to that. And then also recognize my 40th birthday. I embarked on this whole reading project where I'm reading 40 books that center around this phase of midlife, a combination of nonfiction and fiction titles. So that's what's been on my immediate TBR. Some of the titles for that project I have, but also I'm letting some organically find me and I actually found a couple from past episodes of your podcast which was really great. But that's where I'm centering, really diving into midlife.
April Snow: 31:39
I love that you're allowing these milestones to influence your reading. I remember seeing you post about that and, having turned 42 years now, that felt really meaningful. Oh, this is such an intentional way to dive into your own experience, your personal process, through books and finding stories like yours that just really mark this moment. I'm wondering could you share with listeners how you decided what to read for that 40th year? How did you make that decision? Sure, so I started with the most basic 40 things to do before you turn 40.
Dorothy Meyer: 32:11
Year. How did you make that decision? Sure, so I started with the most basic 40 things to do before you turn 40. Perfect, yeah, that's a compilation of essays from different people celebrities, authors, things like that. And aside from that I did some crowdsourcing. So on Bookstagram I crowdsource for any titles people might think fall into it. I have found it much easier to pick nonfiction titles. I don't know why I've just been drawn to nonfiction for this. It's been a little bit more of a struggle to find fiction titles, but I have had a couple of good recommendations from friends, a book they read and realized that the characters were at that stage in their life. So those have been the main ways just doing a little bit of research, even just tagging the word 40 and seeing what comes up in book titles, and then asking my friends, pulling some nonfiction titles that were already on my radar.
April Snow: 33:01
That's smart, you know, leaning on your community, because not every book that's about that decade or being 40 is going to have it in the title. And I remember 40, my 40th birthday, being felt like. Obviously I don't know what it's going to be like going forward, but it felt like the most pivotal birthday so far.
Dorothy Meyer: 33:17
Yeah, definitely.
April Snow: 33:18
Yeah, like 30 is important, but it felt more light hearted where 40 was serious. Okay, now it's time to figure things out, to make any shifts before it's too late.
Dorothy Meyer: 33:29
What you're saying really resonates with me, because that's how it felt for me too. There's a gravity to it, and it also felt like this chance to redefine myself, and I just really felt this energy of a catalyst for change behind the birthday, more than I ever felt with another one.
April Snow: 33:44
Yeah, I felt that too. I'm wondering, as we start to wrap up, if you could share one message with HSP listeners. What would you want them to hear before we go?
Dorothy Meyer: 33:53
I would say lean into your support system. I'm definitely someone who tends to isolate and as long as I'm taking care of everyone else, no one needs to know what I need. But it's important to have those people that you can trust and I would say, if you're in a job that offers FMLA, that you should take it if you think you can trust. And I would say if you're in a job that offers FMLA, that you should take it if you think you need it. I think there's this tendency to believe that it's for other people who really need it. But, coming from the HR space, if you think you need it, then trust yourself. It's there for a reason, so use it if you need it.
April Snow: 34:26
Yeah, look and see what resources are available and lean into those.
Dorothy Meyer: 34:30
Yeah, and I think beyond that. Just follow your heart and your intuition. I'm more of a thinker. I've not always been in tune with my feelings, but it's there and you have to trust it.
April Snow: 34:41
Yeah, you really do, dorothy. Thank you so much for today, for sharing your story and your love of reading with us. I really appreciated everything that you shared and I'll be sure to share your website, your social media, your other resources in the show notes. You've put together a really fabulous HSP reading list for us which I'm really excited for, and not just the typical titles but stories that are telling HSP stories indirectly, which I think is beautiful For folks who are local to New Jersey or they're visiting the Blackwood area. Can you tell us a little bit more about Wren's Coffeehouse?
Dorothy Meyer: 35:16
and Books? Yes, definitely so. Again, thank you so much for having me. It was such a pleasure to do this podcast and Wren's Coffeehouse and Books. We are located in Blackwood, new Jersey. It's a suburb of Philadelphia. On the one side you'll find our coffee house and then on the other side is the bookstore. So we have a curated selection of new and used books, as well as local authors, local artists, some bookish goods and other crafts that locals have created in the store we opened in June of 2024. It's been really exciting going first year. In addition to the coffee shop and the bookstore, we host events, so we've had open mic night, game night, writers club, book club lots of fun things going on.
April Snow: 36:02
I was so honored to visit when I was back home on the East Coast and it's exactly like you described. It's like this community hub so many great books, local authors, a lot of cute gifts in the store. I just remember being like, wow, you guys have a great selection. And then just passing through to the coffee shop and all the delicious drinks and treats and it just felt really warm and welcoming because we got to sit and chat for a little while in the chairs by the front window, I was like this feels like a second home. I don't know, it just felt really welcoming. So I just appreciated being on a visit.
Dorothy Meyer: 36:33
Yeah, thank you so much for stopping in. I'm so glad you felt that way. It's been really great, the community has been really great, so we'd love to see anyone who's local to the Philadelphia area and otherwise. You can keep up with us on social media and our website. Beautiful Thanks, dorothy. Yeah, thank you so much, april.
April Snow: 36:59
Thanks so much for joining me and Dorothy for today's conversation. I hope you remember that it's okay to lean into your resources and your support system when you're feeling burned out or dissatisfied. I also hope you'll feel inspired to carve out more time for reading or whatever lights you up. Start your day with that. If you're an avid reader and book lover, sign up for Wren's Coffeehouse and Books mailing list for book news and local events. You can also stop into the shop if you're in the Blackwood, new Jersey area. Links for these resources are in the Blackwood, new Jersey area. Links for these resources are in the show notes, along with a suggested HSP reading list curated by Dorothy. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the Sensitive Stories podcast so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated For behind-the-scenes content and more HSP resources. You can sign up for my email list or follow Sensitive Strengths on Instagram, tiktok and YouTube. Check out the show notes or sensitivestoriescom for all the resources from today's episode. Thanks for listening you.
