33: Sensitive Self-Care Through the Seasons
With Nichola Day, Yoga Therapist + Teacher
Are you constantly feeling disconnected from yourself? In this episode, I talk with Nichola Day about allowing seasonal changes to be a reminder to look within and:
• The pivotal moment when you realize you’re highly sensitive and the need to advocate for your unique needs
• The overlap between different forms of neurodivergence such as high sensitivity, ADHD, and autism
• Giving yourself grace to move slowly through seasonal transitions and come back to your self-care practice again and again
Nichola is a Yoga & Mindfulness Teacher, and Yoga Therapist with her own business, 'Sensitive Yoga Therapy', based in the UK. She is HSP herself, as well as identifying as neurodivergent. She works to support other sensitives experiencing anxiety, overwhelm and burnout to reconnect back with their bodies, the natural world around them and their true authentic selves. She offers a route back to this through Yoga, Mindfulness, Seasonal Living & Inner Inquiry. When she is not working, Nichola loves to read, walk amongst trees and gaze at the moon!
Keep in touch with Nichola:
• Website: http://www.nicholaday.co.uk
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sensitiveyogatherapy
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@sensitiveyogatherapy
Resources Mentioned:
• Autumnal Self-Care Pack: https://www.nicholaday.co.uk
• Sensitive Soul Space monthly membership: https://www.nicholaday.co.uk/sensitivesoulspace
• Yoga Therapy: https://www.nicholaday.co.uk/one-to-one-yoga-therapy
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This episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Some links are affiliate links. You are under no obligation to purchase any book, product or service. I am not responsible for the quality or satisfaction of any purchase.
Episode Transcript
Nichola Day: 0:00
If you are sensitive to your environment, then it makes sense to adapt how you look after yourself according to what is going on around you.
April Snow: 0:17
Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author, april Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP without all the overwhelm. In this episode, I talk with Nicola Day about adapting your self-care practices to the seasons, allowing seasonal changes to be a reminder to look within and giving yourself grace when life gets hectic. Nicola is a yoga and mindfulness teacher and yoga therapist with her own business, sensitive Yoga Therapy, based in the UK. She is highly sensitive and also identifies as neurodivergent. She works to support other sensitives experiencing anxiety, overwhelm and burnout to reconnect back with their bodies, the natural world around them and their true, authentic selves. She offers a route back to this through yoga mindfulness selves. She offers a route back to this through yoga, mindfulness, seasonal living and inner inquiry. When she is not working, nicola loves to read, walk amongst the trees and gaze at the moon For more HSP resources and to see behind the scenes video from the podcast.
April Snow: 1:39
Join me on Instagram, tiktok or YouTube at Sensitive Strengths or sign up for my email list. Links are in the show notes and at sensitivestoriescom. And just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Let's dive in, nicola, can you?
Nichola Day: 2:26
start off by telling us how and when you discovered that you're highly sensitive. Yeah, sure, it's been a bit of a double bounce, I guess because I had my first introduction when well, I should start by saying that I've always known I was different, but I think everybody says that. But when I had my first son, which which was 2011, he was struggling, it was a difficult birth and he was clearly very sensitive. I've now got two very sensitive boys and I think it was a friend who said, oh, I wonder if he's highly sensitive. So I can't even remember whether I got a book or I Googled it, but it was on my radar at that point and although I looked at all of the criteria and was like, oh, yes, yes, yes, it just didn't land. And I think you know, at that time I was really struggling. Actually, I was having a lot of panic attacks and anxiety, new baby parenthood, and also he had some developmental delays as well. So was a lot going on and there was just not space for me to get into it, but it was in the background chugging along and at the time as well, I should say I was a primary school teacher, so I don't know what that would translate to in the States. But I was teaching like year one and year two so it's five, six, seven year olds and year two, so it's five, six, seven year olds and really enjoying it but getting frequently burnt out. So I think at that point I'd gone down the route of like it must be me and then hit a point of like no, it can't be me. So there's something about, although I love my job, it doesn't love me. So I made a completely radical and I think a lot of HSPs say this radical and I think a lot of HSPs say this.
Nichola Day: 4:08
I had, like this pivot moment where I decided I was going to leave a stable job and become a yoga teacher and because I've been working with kids, I sort of transitioned softly. So I started off with teaching kids yoga and in that journey I was on Facebook, just a random little scrolling moment, and I came across a person who had commented on somebody who I did my education training with and they just said, oh, I've left education to become a kids yoga teacher. And, very unlike me, I messaged them and anyway, it's a long story short. She's now one of my bestest friends, but in that first meeting she was like are you a HSP? And I was like, oh my god. And we spent hours just like, oh my gosh, yes, yes. And so it was from that point where, I think, because I'd left education by that point and I had like a buddy now to swap ideas with and talk about it, with that I had space to dive into it. And, yeah, true to my nature, I just dived into all of the breeding and all of the research on the internet and, yeah, I ticked every single box.
Nichola Day: 5:21
And I think when you first find out as well, you go through this phase of like wanting to tell the world you know, like you really do. Did you know about this? Did you know? And, perhaps not unsurprisingly, my mum and my brother were not too interested. You know, like, oh yeah, yeah, I guess that's you, but to me it was a really important moment. So, yes, I was very grateful to meet my bestie and kind of get immersed into it, because you suddenly feel and I know everybody who's HSP when they get that moment, they just feel so seen and I just felt so seen. And you know, I think a lot of us are seekers and if you don't have that language, certainly in my home there was growing up, there was none of this language of like oh well, that's okay that you find these kinds of things difficult because you're an extra sensitive person or whatever. So, yeah, it was a real I guess, connecting back with myself and knowing that it was okay and also knowing that there was other people out there like me.
April Snow: 6:20
Oh, it's when you were telling the part about oh, I shared this with my family and they weren't as excited about it. I think that's a lot of our experience, because it's so meaningful and impactful to finally know this is my experience. There's language, there's other people that share this. You know that feel deeply and it's life changing to have that language. But other people are like, yeah, you're more sensitive. Ok, yeah, I was like right, come round for tea, guys, life-changing to have that language. But other people like, yeah, you're more sensitive, okay yeah, I was like right, come around for tea.
Nichola Day: 6:48
Guys, I'm gonna get out the quiz, let's go through it together. And then he's like no, I didn't know, I did the same thing.
April Snow: 6:55
I was in graduate school at the time and I gave it to every one of the people at my counseling center that I was working with. We just stood around and took the test. You just want to share it. You want to see who else is?
Nichola Day: 7:04
yeah, you do yeah, yeah, you can't help. But then just see the entire world through that lens and you start going oh, I wonder if they're highly sensitive and it's like this kind of underground society well, it really is.
April Snow: 7:18
That's how I found out about was through a friend, and then I hear so many other stories like it just finds you and I think your experience is so relatable in that a lot of times we don't have the space to take it in, but when we do, we just want to go all in, read everything we can, talk to as many people as we can.
Nichola Day: 7:45
Yeah, because it's like a thirst for understanding yourself, because probably a lot of us not all of us, but some of us, who perhaps didn't have a supportive environment growing up, we've just kind of survived with whatever coping strategy possible that there is that hunger, because suddenly you're like, oh gosh, this is a way for me to understand myself. Finally, and like I say because often we've been, it's like an hallelujah kind of moment, isn't it?
April Snow: 8:05
It really is. Yeah, looking for that. What is it for me? What is it about me? That's different, and I wasn't finding what it was until I discovered Dr Aaron's work. I love that. Yeah, we are seeking not just about ourselves, but about meeting and life and the world.
Nichola Day: 8:23
Well, this is like the deep thinking, isn't it? You know, like we, we're gonna be thinking, or maybe it's worthwhile thinking, but you know it comes with the territory it really does, and so you share with me that you've also been diagnosed with adhd and autism.
April Snow: 8:38
So I'm curious what your experience has been, if we zoom out, with having multiple forms of neurodivergent what is that?
Nichola Day: 8:44
like well, yeah, I guess it's not been an easy journey, if I'm honest, and I'm still very much in it, because it's not that long ago that I was diagnosed, although I knew yes, I knew which partly to do with my kids seeing their neurodivergence play out and, I guess, a wealth of experience as well of working with neurodivergent folk. I think the thing is, when I kind of didn't really think about autism or ADHD and I was just kind of in my HSP world, I, you know, I said to my friends who are in this kind of bubble, and my husband, who's also highly sensitive, I think I must be just a really extreme HSP and I feel like that's quite a common thing with women who are being late diagnosed. Yeah, definitely, and all the HSP criteria, all of those elements of being HSP 100%, I, I'm all in. There were certain things that I couldn't explain and I remember asking quite a few professionals and other people in the field, like you know what's the crossover here particularly, I kind of went more towards the autism side to begin with, but both my children also have ADHD, so I had to you know side to begin with, but both my children also have ADHD, so I had to, you know, be curious about that, and I went deep into therapy as well my own therapy. I still see my therapist today and there was these little questions like okay, so how much of this is my HSP-ness, if you like, and how much of this is early trauma and how much of this is something else although we weren't talking about it but it was in the room. So things like eye contact, for example, I find really difficult and I actually don't give eye contact. I always look at people's mouths and I raise this in therapy and she's like okay, let's just invite this in. You know it could be to do with this blah, blah, blah and just little things like that that you know.
Nichola Day: 10:50
I'd kind of got something in my mind to explore and I think the difficulty I found in starting to seek that out is the inherent problem with labels, actually, because labels can be really helpful and I do believe in being able to have labels.
Nichola Day: 11:11
Particularly if you have been in a minority group, you need a way to be able to advocate for yourself and labels can be really helpful for that.
Nichola Day: 11:19
My case sometimes, and still now, I can feel like the labels of HSP, autism, adhd are like their boxes and actually when humans aren't boxes and there's no hard lines, and I've spent far too many minutes hours I wouldn't care to add it up of how much I have researched the overlap between mostly being highly sensitive and autism, and there's lots of opinions about that and I guess my lived experience is that it's both.
Nichola Day: 12:09
This is my kind of feeling on it is that there's a collection of traits with huge similarities, little differences here and there, and I think it's perfectly okay that these overlap and you can feel that those labels describe elements of yourself, you know. So, yeah, I'm still very much in it, if I'm totally honest, and I'm still wading my way. If I'm totally honest, I'm still wading my way through. But I do think there is this problem with boxes and trying to squeeze people in, and I also think that there is a problem with us sticking hard and fast to those boxes in the professional world as well, because I just don't think it's helpful for people.
April Snow: 12:42
It's really not helpful. And how can we ever completely tease apart someone's characteristics? It's impossible. And high sensitivity, autism, adhd. There are so many overlaps and what happens is we often end up fighting that, oh, I'm this or that. Well, I think we're sharing experiences here. Why are we battling each other? It always is so, yeah, concerning for me that we feel like we have to be all this or all that. There's no overlap, but there is a lot of overlap. Yeah, right, I think we're going to find we're all kind of related in these characteristics.
Nichola Day: 13:18
So I was laughing because I was thinking that is really quite typical black and white thinking and that is something that I can find quite difficult actually, and yeah, it's been helpful for me to do the research and actually come to a really good place of feeling like actually, no, there's multiple shades of grey and it's just tricky trying to find, or perhaps not being able to get hold of, the right information, particularly if you've been raised female. It's so difficult to spot, most likely because of people pleasing and masking behaviors, and so I think this is probably you know where I'm at. I'm still kind of unpicking that now and just trying to. You know where I'm at. I'm still kind of I'm picking that now and just trying to yeah, figure it out.
April Snow: 14:06
Yeah, it's true. Unfortunately, women are often underrepresented in studies, and so we often have a different experience, and it does make it problematic to figure out what's going on for me, because we only have one version that's been defined and is assumed to be the only way, and we're realizing now there's lots of presentations not just for autism, but for high sensitivity and for any type of neurodivergence, and so we really need to expand our view as much as we can, and I think this was the turning point for me was, I think, also it raises how much kind of inherent ableism we have within ourselves that we just we're not and this is helping me bring it to the surface really these kind of preconceived ideas about what ADHD is, what autism is.
Nichola Day: 14:58
And even now, even though I've done huge amounts of reading and from people with different lived experiences of different types of neurodivergence, it's still there. I still have to challenge that occasionally and go oh, hang on, just check yourself there, nick, because that's not quite right, is it? It might not present like that. So, yeah, yeah, lots of learning.
April Snow: 15:20
Yes and yeah, deconstructing these misconceptions. We have no-transcript as a neurodivergent person, Absolutely.
Nichola Day: 15:50
This is what I really really try to advocate for is like actually it's.
Nichola Day: 15:56
I mean, my husband uses this idea in our household that we're all neurodivergent but we all have a slightly different recipe and it is a little bit like that.
Nichola Day: 16:03
But we all have a slightly different recipe and it is a little bit like that. You know different ingredients but we're, you know, under this neurodivergent umbrella and I really like that. I think the you know, whilst I absolutely want to be positive and neuro affirming about all of these things, there's also the issue of like it being a disability. So autism and ADHD being a disability, and there's a fine balance to be had between, yeah, but in accepting that, really, because on the one hand, I'm aware that I have the privilege of being able to mask, of, you know, of being able to go out into the world and reasonably access it, but on the other end of the spectrum, there are occasions when I do feel quite disabled. A lot of that is down to society's accommodate I don't even like the word accommodations, I can't even think of the right word but understanding, we just need to broaden our horizons you know we really do so.
April Snow: 17:05
There's more room for people to exist in different ways and there's more supports like we're put in such a narrow box of. This is how you function, this is how you show up in the world and I think everyone who's neurodivergent struggles with that in some way, depending you know some more than others, depending on how well you can mask, how high functioning you are. But we really do need space. I think a lot of us are suffering at different levels or maybe not even feeling like you can function because there's accommodations or whatever you want to call it, just permission to live differently. It's not there.
Nichola Day: 17:40
It's challenging in many situations you're just. There's just an assumption of that. You're typical. Whatever, that is right, yeah it's true.
Nichola Day: 17:52
So in a way when you're on neurodivergent and it's invisible. If you see what I mean, you have to. You just have to work so much harder to advocate for yourself. I do this all the time with my children, you know they may look like they're accessing school, okay, but actually at home, when they come home from school, it's like. I don't know if you've seen these memes on socials where it's like a firefighter putting out a crazy blaze, like after school. It's like, okay, how can I regulate them ready for the next day at school? You know these are very invisible, right? Just?
April Snow: 18:35
think about how much they've had to suppress all day long to fit in right and see this with a lot of kids.
April Snow: 18:42
I don't have any of my own kids, but see this a lot with kids that are in my life, where they just fall apart once they get home. You know, they've just been holding in so much all day long. Finally they can just let their emotions out, they can unmask, and unfortunately, a lot of times these kids without knowledgeable parents get labeled as having behavioral issues or mental health issues, when really they just maybe need some different supports and yeah, it can be tough. Thankfully, you are sounds like a very affirming household and your kids have space I'm laughing because it is really challenging.
Nichola Day: 19:19
Sure, four of us are all neurodivergent and we have these moments where our neurodivergence is riffing off each other and we're just having a ball and it's awesome. And then there's the others, but times when usually it's like sensory issues are clashing, or you know, I've got one child that just like to make it look, maybe stims with his voice, and then another that's hypersensitive to noise, for example. That was just one and, yeah, just things like that.
April Snow: 19:50
When they clash, the ebbs and flows are epic right, everyone is trying to get their needs met, but sometimes triggering the others. Yeah, yeah so speaking on this stuff, I want to transition to how do we take care of ourselves, right as in order todivergent people as sensitive people, and I know you really think about self-care in a seasonal perspective. So why is it helpful for us to approach how we care for ourselves seasonally? I'm really curious to hear more about that.
Nichola Day: 20:22
I'm so passionate about this because I've just basically it's how I've kind of figured out how to look after myself and my kids too, just on a very basic level. If you are sensitive to your environment, then it makes sense to adapt how you look after yourself according to what is going on around you. And I talk a lot about how each month and each season comes with its own challenges, if you like, sensory challenges, potentials. And I always think, if you have that knowledge, then you're forewarned, aren't you? So you can think, oh, ok, yes, june, july, the light is really bright, so I'm just going to make sure that I have multiple shades in my car, in my bag, and maybe, for my part of a self-care routine, I might lie down and put an eye mask on for a little bit. And so, yeah, just on a very basic level, we need to adapt to our environment more so, I believe, believe I think it's good for everybody, but I think more so if you're extra sensitive. And the other thing that I found is that by working seasonally and, yeah, going with the rhythm of the seasons, I automatically then become more connected to my own inner cycles as well, because it prompts you to look within, if I'm thinking okay, so we're in autumn now, aren't we? The leaves are shedding on the trees, the trees are drawing their reserves inwards. What about me? Are my stores filled for winter, or am I feeling a bit spent after the summer? And as you start to get deeper in with this, it brings you much more closely to yourself, I believe, and when we do that, then we just become really powerful as sensitives, because we have the knowledge of what we need.
Nichola Day: 22:19
I'm not saying we might find it easy to give ourselves what we need, but the first thing is awareness, isn't it? Knowing where you are in yourself, in your body, in your mind, your spirit is really important? And I think, when you follow the seasons, that you definitely become more in tune with yourself, and then that gives you an opportunity to prevent or be more proactive in avoiding things like overwhelm, overstimulation and maybe burnout, for example. I definitely. I mean, I still have moments where I wouldn't call it burnout, like almost like a mini burnout, I guess, but nowhere near like I used to before. I was living in rhythm with the seasons. I also think that it connects us to nature, and we spend so much time in our heads it's like we forget that we are part of nature. So it's like let's get out of our heads into nature, back into our bodies, and then, yeah, we can start to think at least about giving ourselves what we need.
April Snow: 23:22
I love it. Such a beautiful way to come back inward, not just to yourself, but then to connect with the natural rhythms. Take those cues from nature. I loved when you said the trees start to pull inward and kind of replenish themselves. Go back and create some reserves. We need to do that as well. We really do.
Nichola Day: 23:45
We really do. Yeah, I love autumn.
April Snow: 23:48
It's my favorite me too, it really is.
Nichola Day: 23:50
It's so beautiful, oh yes cozy, jumpers, candles, an excuse to say no and just snuggle up with a blanket. Yeah, no, I love it. I think it's also about, I feel, that for sensitive folk, the way we respond to the seasons is different. So, for example, in spring there are these energies of like renewal and growth and planting seeds. And whilst, yes, that energy is about for sensitives, it can be really draining the spring, because the spring is a transition month. It's about dragging yourself out of the depths of winter, getting going again, moving that stagnancy, and we're really sensitive to change and transition, so allowing ourselves the grace of moving at the pace that we need. There's no hurry.
Nichola Day: 24:47
In traditional folklore, following the wheel of the year, spring, or the start of the growth season, if you like, isn't actually until the spring equinox, which is in March. So how wonderful is that? It's like a free pass all the way to March to just slowly begin, rather than this 1st of January, new intentions, etc. Got to get back on it. There's this. No, actually, yes, it is the start of a new year in terms of the Gregorian calendar, but actually January through to March can be a really slow, beautiful transition and actually it allows you to live more intentionally it truly does.
April Snow: 25:31
There's this permission to slow down. You're right. There is this pressure january 1st, all of a sudden, okay, go, go, go, renew yourself, make all these changes, but if we can allow ourselves to be in tune with the natural rhythms, we have months to transition. Yeah, to come out of winter, because it is quite abrupt, especially sensorially wise the bright lights and the change in temperature and the coming out of our cocoons. It's always so hard for me.
Nichola Day: 26:01
It's so hard for me too. Yeah, it takes a while.
April Snow: 26:05
I'm curious if there's anything that you personally do to help yourself with that coming out of hibernation process yeah, I so that January.
Nichola Day: 26:18
Well, actually right from December, really December, through to probably the end of February. I have a real issue with the month of February. I don't know if it's just me. I just don't enjoy it. I try, but that whole that three month cycle, I spend a lot of time in a reflection, so journaling, which I also follow, the lunar cycle as well, which is really helpful for me to keep touching base. So you've got those touch points the new moon and the full moon that you can keep touching base with yourself.
Nichola Day: 26:49
I will spend a lot of time in meditation. I will do a lot more restorative practice, because you just need quite a lot of rest when you're transitioning. I will start to bring in some movement practices that are particularly helpful at that time, that are quite cleansing, but it will be at a pace that suits me. So, yeah, there'll be a lot of quiet time. I also really like going on solitary walks at that time of the year in particular.
Nichola Day: 27:16
I do this all through the year, but I do find it really important and when, you know, when there's nothing on the trees at all, everything's just a bit I don't like the word bleak, just a bit stark. And where I live, there are different routes, that different footpaths that I use at different times of the year, and the one that I use during that time and it's only really at that time because it gets too overgrown the rest of the year it gives me a really good vista. It's like quite a big expanse of sky that I can see, and so it kind of mirrors what I'm feeling at that time, which is a lot of kind of quiet, stillness, but also it gives me a feeling of space. That's just what I do personally, but it's, you know, it's whatever you feel you need.
April Snow: 28:01
Yeah, but there's no rush yes, such a good thing to hear there's no rush yeah. I really I hadn't considered necessarily tailoring the self-care practice to the seasons. There are certain rituals I'll do with the new moon, with the full moon, but just this, really seeing what could suit my emotion, my needs, depending on what's going on in my external world. And I love this idea of taking different walking paths to match my mood at the season that feels really beautiful and just attuning, slowing down, giving yourself that grace Really really powerful.
Nichola Day: 28:40
Yeah, and I have like a little altar space. I have multiple altar spaces, actually Same but I've got one in like a family room where I kind of gather got more outside stuff inside I think, gather bits and pieces. It's just like a visual reminder of what's going on. So at the moment I've got absolutely beautiful, you know, like the lovely kind of dead seed heads of grasses and other plants, so they're really structural, they've kind of gone brown and I've got a piece of wheat and stuff from the fields and it just reminds me, okay, this time of year is about harvest and it's just that touch point every time I see it what am I harvesting from this year and also what am I gathering in. So just like little visual reminders. And you can do that when you're on your book, you can gather your bits and pieces.
April Snow: 29:35
I always love, I have little stones from different important places I visited or times of my life, and we really do need those touch points, those visual reminders, because it's one thing to write in a journal, but I think for think for me at least, it's easy to forget what my intention has been, but to have that cue, that almost this object to remind me is so important.
Nichola Day: 29:58
Yes, yeah, yeah, and I actually I always notice if I've been pulled away from myself. One of the things I'll notice is oh, my altar is out of date. I know it sounds silly, but if my altar is up to date, then I know that I've touched base with myself, because I have taken the time to go out for a walk, I've taken time to select things that mean something to me, that are going to remind me something about the journey that I'm on, because we're all on a journey, aren't we?
Nichola Day: 30:31
and I also think in doing that it gives you a greater reverence for a life actually, and that's really important those feelings of I can't remember the name of the book now, it's probably really obvious, but feelings of awe and wonder. We know we didn't really need the research to tell us, but we know that those feelings are really important for feeling good and reducing all of the not so nice bits of being human it's true, we need those practices and reminders that replenish us, especially as sensitive, sensitive people.
April Snow: 31:06
We need that depth and we can look to our natural environment around us to pull that back in, to be that anchor point. And I'm the same way I can tell when I haven't been practicing because my altar has been untouched and that could be something else for someone else if you don't have an altar Like, have your running shoes been picked up? Or whatever your practice is. But yeah, just reminders to come back home to ourselves. So we're practicing seasonally and I'm wondering if, let's say, we have lost our practice, we have maybe neglected those needs, how can we come back to it without guilt or shame? How can we allow ourselves just to come back and not worry about having missed it? Is there anything that helps you make that transition?
Nichola Day: 31:58
well, you know, I practice and teach mindfulness, and a big part of that is about compassion and cultivating that for yourself, and I think it's just important to remember that we're human. We're gonna get pulled off course. This is the whole point. So it's just personally. What I do is I just place a hand on my chest. Anytime I notice I've got pulled off center. I'm like it's okay. It's okay, honey, gonna happen, welcome back whenever you're ready.
Nichola Day: 32:27
And you know, for me it might be just stepping outside of the studio where I'm in now, put my feet on the ground If it's not too muddy or cold, or again going out for a walk, or often I'll come to my mat and just lie down my yoga mat. I might practice some yoga to reconnect with my body, because sometimes if you've been in your head and you've gotten pulled away from yourself and I've done this myself and I'll think like I'm going on a walk, that's what I'm going to do, especially if you're in an overthinking loop you can walk that route and not have attended to anything on it. You could have spent the whole time in your head, and so if I'm in one of those moments where my mind is really leading, I will need to come back to my body first, which is where I might do a little bit of yoga or some kind of somatic practice and then I'll be like, okay, now I can go out on a walk. But yeah, I think first and foremost it's just remembering you're human and being kind to yourself and just repeatedly it's like being that inner parent, isn't it? And the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
Nichola Day: 33:39
And I think it's accessible for everybody. Even if you don't necessarily feel it yet, you can offer it. You can think in your mind how would I speak to my kid? Or how would I speak to my friend? You can. One of my teachers says fake it till you make it. You know you can give it a go and actually, over time, and the body doesn't know if you place your hands on your chest, the body doesn't know who it's from or what it can receive it, whether you're not quite there yet, because I know that self-love and kindness can be really really hard, especially if you've gotten into those habits of putting other people's needs above your own or being heavily critical of yourself. It can be tricky as we do.
April Snow: 34:28
You know, you mentioned earlier, we're human and it's okay to have these ebbs and flows. That's something I have finally just softened into. Like it's. I'm going to be coming back and forth to my practices and that's okay, and I think the most important part for me is that I just I always find my way back.
Nichola Day: 34:47
Yeah yeah. The point of mindfulness is the moment you catch the mind wandering off. So the same goes for self-care. You know, the point of self-care is the moment you notice you need it. Of course you can do preventative self-care if you like, but it's okay to notice that you've gone off. That's, it's fine. And we always I think we always will, of course we will yeah because we're we're having a human experience, we interact with other people. You know it's life is is not easy.
April Snow: 35:18
It's not right and just that. Can we create permission to be those humans, having that human experience?
Nichola Day: 35:26
I think also with the seasonal living, it gives you greater understanding of ebb and flow, because that's what's happening in the season. So over the summer, generally, people tend to be more out there and more social, and so we can lose a little bit of thread of connection to ourselves a little bit, depending on how much you want to socialize over the summer, but generally we do. I did, and I needed a lot of alone time. But knowing that and going in, knowing okay, it's this time of year, this is what's going to happen, but I'm going to pen in a date with myself. Or just when you get into that point of, oh, okay, I've been out in the world too much, you know that's the turning point where you go okay, it's time to return.
April Snow: 36:17
Right and just listening to that call. Yeah. Earlier, you mentioned that when you get a little lost or life has been a little hectic, you just come back to your body, you get on your mat, you go for a walk, maybe put a hand on the chest. Can you say more about why that part is so important to reconnect with our bodies?
Nichola Day: 36:39
that's where we experience everything, isn't it?
Nichola Day: 36:41
oh that's where we experience everything in our bodies. It's where we experience everything. But I think for me it started with I remember my first yoga class. Not my very first yoga class because that was when I was 16, but my very first yoga class. When I got back into it, it was after my first son, and I remember that feeling of like, oh crikey, I'd completely forgotten you. Like as in talking to my body, wow, I've completely forgotten you. And in reconnecting with my body, I really started to realize how much I had been not hearing from it, you know gut issues and really really very hyper vigilant nervous system.
Nichola Day: 37:34
And so that was my first like realization, and so I obviously kept at it. And then what happened magically was I started to feel like what it was like when my nervous system was regulated, and that was quite a new experience for me. And then what happens is you reconnected to your intuition, and that's just. It makes me feel emotional just thinking about it, because you know, I think the whisper had always been there. I think as a HSP, you can't not feel that just a feeling, but to then reconnect with your body and eventually then get so connected you're in tune with your intuition, it's really powerful.
April Snow: 38:28
Because that's when I think it's when the HSP then becomes really empowered yes, when you're in contact with that inner wisdom, so important, it's what makes us us. I think you know that depth of experience yes what, for you, was so powerful about intuition specifically, was it? What does that mean to you? I'm curious, because obviously you got, yeah, an emotional reaction there. I'm just curious what it is for you.
Nichola Day: 38:57
I think it's about up until that point my life really had been driven by other people. And it doesn't happen overnight. The intuition doesn't suddenly go right. I think you should quit your job, do this, etc. Etc. But that return to my intuition has allowed a steady process of me being the kind of author of my own life, if you like, and making choices for myself. And it's from that place where you can start to offer care and compassion towards yourself. It's so freeing. It's freeing to live for yourself.
April Snow: 39:37
Yeah, like when the intuition is there. It's a sign that you are back in your body, you are back in the driver's seat of your own life, that you're able to live a life in alignment with your needs. It's such a symbol of so much going right and I imagine being able to access a lot more of the positive experiences of being highly sensitive, like being more intuitive or creative or empathetic. Yeah, because when we're disconnected, we lose that. I mean, it's like you said, it's so whisper, yeah, but it can be hard to not only hear it but to listen to it. Definitely to let it guide you.
Nichola Day: 40:16
yeah, yeah, because it's so quiet and other people's noise, if you like, is so much louder. We're predisposed for that, so sensitive to what's going on around us, but with that thread of perhaps getting caught in people pleasing and maybe not having great boundaries and covering up your own needs and all of that kind of stuff, it magnifies the stuff out there and it really diminishes it to a very tiny little whisper. And so when you start reconnecting back to that, I can still feel there's a couple of little moments where I had these kind of little real, connecting moments that created quite significant change in my life, where I can still feel that kind of exhilaration of oh, wow, okay, this is what I need, this is what I want and.
April Snow: 41:12
I actually can give myself permission to do that yeah, not only you're hearing it, but you're responding to it, honoring your needs in there. Yeah, if you could leave us with one message for anyone who's wanting to live more in alignment with their needs, who's wanting to listen to those internal whispers, what would that message?
Nichola Day: 41:34
be. I think maybe just start simple. Just start with something simple, like any of the things we've spoken about today. Maybe it's just a solitary walk that you plan in once a quarter or a couple of times a quarter. I really quite like the equinoxes and solstices as pause points and where you might light yourself a candle and just sit with your journal and just you don't need to have any agenda, just doodling free writing. There's a wealth of resources out there if you're looking for something more structured. But just starting simple by, yeah, getting outside, noticing the change of the seasons. Maybe, like we've talked about, you can be like a little I don't know somebody gathering, foraging for bits and pieces that you can place somewhere, just to remind you. Yeah.
April Snow: 42:26
So just starting simple and, like we've said, it doesn't matter if you get thrown off, just allowing yourself to do that and coming back when you can yeah, that's it, starting with where you are and allowing yourself to let it be imperfect and show up in whatever way that you can, whether it's a five minute walk, or it's a two hour walk, or you're gathering something. Just on, maybe, the change of the season versus every full moon.
Nichola Day: 42:54
Yeah, I was just gonna say, and not like feeling like it's something that you should do and oh, my god, it's the solstice and I've not done anything. Just yeah, don't overcommit that, don't you know? Just think about, okay, what is doable for me now, and let it be something that's that feels like a treat.
April Snow: 43:16
Love that, what is doable for me now, and let it be an enjoyable treat, not a chore. Yeah, yeah, thank you so much for that and this was a really inspiring conversation. It's not something I honestly have thought as much about, although definitely someone who's impacted by the seasons and inspired, especially as we're coming into a new season, to bring more intention to that transition and listen to my needs. I know others will enjoy this conversation as well, and you have lots of resources that you're sharing with us, which I'm so grateful for. You have a free autumnal self-care pack. When folks sign up for your email list, folks can join your monthly sensitive soul space, which sounds really lovely, with meditations, therapeutic yoga, other seasonal resources, resources. And then you're generously offering 20 off your yoga therapy packages with the code sensitive stories and I'm wondering, nicola, if you could share a little bit more for folks who don't know what is yoga therapy or what does that look like working with you?
Nichola Day: 44:14
yeah, sure, I think it's still a fairly new modality, but it's just honestly, it's just brilliant. I think it's a brilliant modality. Obviously I'm going to say that, but I love it because it's holistic, so it obviously looks at all layers of experience. It's not just the body, it's the breath, your energy, your mind, your emotions. What's going on for you spiritually?
Nichola Day: 44:39
And so when I work with a yoga therapy client client, we spend quite a lot of time just really looking at the person as a whole. In lots of conversation I do have quite a long form that we go through, because it just helps me to build up a picture so that we can understand what's going on for them in their body. Are there any aches and pains that they're struggling with? What's going on in their mind space and, crucially, when working with sensitive and neurodivergent people, what are their nuances, what are their sensitivities, what are they hoping to get out of it, what's their lifestyle? Like a big, big picture. And then what happens in yoga therapy and this is true for whatever your specialism is, and mine happens to be in working with neurodivergence is.
Nichola Day: 45:28
We can sort of cherry pick, if you like, the practices and tools from the world of yoga and apply them for the client. So adapt them for the client and whatever their needs are. It also allows us to look at that person as a whole through various yogic lenses. So there's a lovely model called the kosher model, for example, which is one of the. I don't know if you're familiar with that.
April Snow: 45:52
If you're familiar in the world of yoga, I know yoga, but I haven't heard of that one, so I'm curious to hear a little bit more.
Nichola Day: 45:58
Yeah, there's a few different lenses from the world of yoga, and this is one that I like to use because it essentially looks at the different layers of experience, so the body, the breath, the mind, space, emotions, your intuitive body, and then something called the bliss body, which is essentially like your soul or your sense of joy and that kind of thing, and you can really then start to see, okay, well, which layer of that experience is needing some support. And so what I suggest or facilitate in session really is dictated by the client, both in the session itself but also with whatever their longer term goal is in mind, and it could be. It could be movement, it could be kind of more yoga-y looking things, if you like, it could be a meditation, it could be quite a lot of talk actually, and just looking at things and bouncing, you know, allowing them to offload something or explore things. Often, when I'm working with highly sensitive people or neurodivergent people it's usually women there's a couple of themes that we work with. Often it's about connecting them back with their body and that feeling of interoception and just kind of sensing themselves, their energy, as well as connecting them to their emotional body, so helping them to understand what they're feeling, connecting them to their emotional body, so helping them to understand what they're feeling.
Nichola Day: 47:25
You know, when we get caught up in the heads we can lose touch with oh actually I'm feeling, I'm actually feeling some shame or whatever it might be and holding space for that to move through the body, and there are various things that we might use to help that move through. Or it might just be holding space and seeing what happens. So there's definitely the reconnection to the body. There's also this common theme of helping people reconnect to their intuitive wisdom as well, as we've already discussed, and sometimes this tends to lead into a little bit of parts work as well. That sometimes creeps in. It depends on the client and where they're at, and then ultimately, it's about working with that person to figure out together self-care practices or lifestyle changes that are then going to help that person move forward in their lives, and it's such a beautiful process.
April Snow: 48:21
I absolutely love it it sounds wonderful and just perfect for anyone who's sensitive or neurodivergent, where you're really customizing, you're allowing yourself to show up whatever way you need to and allow the practices to kind of flow with what you're experiencing. And I don't think we often get that opportunity. We're maybe putting ourselves in a box, even in our healing process. So to have that space where there's fluidity, I imagine is so healing.
Nichola Day: 48:52
Yeah, wonderful, yeah yeah, I feel like I said, sometimes it's like a little bit of a jump start for folks if life's gotten a little bit chaotic it's it's like sacred space, where they can then kind of reconnect.
April Snow: 49:03
Yes, yes, sacred protected space. Yeah, so important for us. It really is. Yeah, it really is. Well, nicola, thank you so much again for this conversation just thank you thanks so much for joining me and Nicola for today's conversation.
April Snow: 49:26
My hope is that it will remind you that you're more impacted by seasonal changes as an HSP, and I also hope it inspires you to take care of yourself in whatever way is available to you. For more support in reconnecting with yourself, sign up for Nicola's Autumnal Self-Care Pack or join her for yoga therapy. You can use code SENSITIVESTORIES for 20% off. All the details are in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the Sensitive Stories podcast so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated For behind-the-scenes content and more HSP resources. You can sign up for my email list or follow Sensitive Strengths on Instagram, tiktok and YouTube. Check out the show notes or sensitivestoriescom for all the resources from today's episode. Thanks for listening.
