18: Balancing Ambition and Rest as a Sensitive Person
With April Snow, LMFT
Do you want to accomplish more, but quickly burn out your energy? In this solo episode I answer two listener questions:
• How can you be consistently productive as a highly sensitive person?
• Is it possible to be an ambitious, sensitive person?
April Snow, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist and author in California. She specializes in working with highly sensitive people to help calm the storm of overwhelm, anxiety, and self-doubt to allow their innate sensitive strengths to shine through. Deeply committed to changing the narrative of what it means to be highly sensitive, April has created and led HSP workshops all over the country as well as online through her Sensitive School. In addition to Find Your Strength: A Workbook for the Highly Sensitive Person, she has written Mindfulness Workbook for Stress Relief and The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person's Self-Care Journal.
Submit a Question: https://www.sensitivestories.com/ask
Additional Resources:
• Gentle Sleep Support Course to Feel More Rested: https://sensitiveschool.lpages.co/soothing-sleep
• Trust Yourself by Melody Wilding: https://bookshop.org/a/63892/9781797201962
Thanks for listening!
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This episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Some links are affiliate links. You are under no obligation to purchase any book, product or service. I am not responsible for the quality or satisfaction of any purchase.
Episode Transcript
April Snow: 0:00
How fulfilling would that be if you could just meet that impulse to deep dive, to really immerse. How satisfying that would be. Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author April Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP, without all the overwhelm. In this solo episode, I answer two listener questions the overwhelm. In this solo episode, I answer two listener questions how can you be consistently productive as an HSP and is it possible to be an ambitious, sensitive person? For more HSP resources and to see behind the scenes video from the podcast, join me on Instagram, tiktok or YouTube at Sensitive Strengths or sign up for my email list. Links are in the show notes and at sensitivestoriescom. And just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional.
April Snow: 1:19
Let's dive in. So let's start with the first question how can you be consistently productive as a highly sensitive person? If I'm being completely honest and transparent, I don't think that you can, and the reason is, you've probably noticed that you're more emotional when you have a new interest or hobby or focus. You want to deep dive, you want to go all in until you're absolutely wiped out, and I think it's important to follow those interests, follow that energy when you have it, allow yourself to enjoy it. It's not something that everyone gets to experience, that intensity, that joy, and so why deprive yourself of that? Now, if you're going to be able to do that, though, there needs to be recovery time, recharge time on the other side of it. So, for me, when I'm doing a big project, when I have a new interest, I give it my all, and I've noticed that I can't replicate that amount of energy the next day or for the whole week, and so I've learned as much as I want to keep going. I have to balance those deeply energetic days with rest days for my life to be sustainable as a highly sensitive person, for me to be able to work and follow my interests in the way that makes sense for me. So I would say you can be productive as a highly sensitive person. Absolutely. You're going to be highly productive with the amount of insight that you have, with the amount of creativity and how your mind puts different pieces of information and ideas together, you're going to be an incredibly productive person. However, the consistency piece is going to look different, maybe, than you hope or that you expect. It's not going to look the same as people who aren't highly sensitive, who don't deep dive, who aren't wired to deeply process and to exert so much energy in one sitting. So you will need more time to rest.
April Snow: 3:43
So let's say you have periods of your life we usually do whether it's holidays, maybe it's travel to see family, or just an annual vacation that you go on, or maybe you're someone who menstruates, or just the end of your everyday week. You're going to have periods that are regularly taxing, that are regularly depleting, so anticipate those right. So I think we tend to have this mindset of I'm just going to push through, I'm going to do what everyone else is doing, I'm going to go on the vacation, I'm going to go right back to work, I'm going to finish my work week and then I'm going to go right into a busy social weekend, or I'm going to get all these house chores done or projects done, or I'm going to catch up on work. Whatever it is, I would scale that back Again. How can we find balance? So, when you do have those periods that you can anticipate coming up, build an extra time either before and or after, but especially after, where you can rest, you can recharge, so that way, during the events you know you can give it your all because you have recovery time built in on the other side.
April Snow: 4:53
Otherwise, I don't know if you've noticed this, but you may notice that you can temper how much you're giving, how much you're showing up, whether it's at work, whether it's a social event, whether it's how much you allow yourself to lean into a hobby or interest. You might pull back because I need to save some of this energy for later. But what if you just got to go all in? How fulfilling would that be if you could just meet that impulse to deep dive, to really immerse. How satisfying that would be. And to be able to do that, we need to know we have rest coming up ahead and even if it's travel vacations, we know those are not restful in the way that we think they're gonna be right.
April Snow: 5:34
You're in a new place, maybe you're socializing with family or friends and you're not sleeping as well. You're doing a lot of activities. There's all that pressure to take advantage of wherever you are, and so, even after a holiday or travel vacation, you might still need that rest. So just not expecting yourself to push through everything. Instead, how can you create a counterbalance right? Energy goes out. Energy comes in. Energy goes out. Energy comes in. Energy goes out, energy comes in. So that is the key to sustainability and productivity.
April Snow: 6:10
As a highly sensitive person, it's balancing doing and being right Productivity and rest. That is so important. I can't stress that enough. That is so important. I can't stress that enough. So it's a matter of reframing what productivity looks like for you when you're a more sensitive, perceptive, spongy, empathic person. It's really creating a different model for your life. Productivity, work relationships, socializing, productivity, work relationships, socializing, even rest, vacation time it all needs to look a little bit different. There needs to be more time in there for balance, for recharging, for replenishing all that energy that you put out whenever you're trying to do something or you're engaging in a project or a social activity or anything that gets your attention.
April Snow: 7:06
So, can you be consistently productive? As a highly sensitive person, I'm going to say no. I'm going to solidly say no. However, it doesn't mean you can't get done what you want to get done. It's just a matter of approaching things a little bit different than you see others. So, along with this question, let's look at the second question, which is it possible to be an ambitious, sensitive person so you might want to push that productivity into being highly productive, highly ambitious? I would say yes, hsps are very. A lot of HSPs are very successful. A lot of HSPs are very ambitious. Right, we have lots of ideas. We can see how well things can be done. We want to make things better. We get really passionate about our work. So, absolutely, you can be an ambitious, sensitive person, no matter what field you're in, whether it be tech, or arts, or medicine or law, whatever you're doing. There's a wide range. We're so different as HSPs.
April Snow: 8:10
Now, the one caveat is, again, we will need to find balance. We will need to be intentional about the big picture. I'm definitely guilty of this. We want to put everything into work. We want to make it as productive, as successful as possible, because it's what other people see the most, it's the outward facing part of our lives, and because we're more impacted by criticism, by feedback. We want to buffer ourselves against that as much as possible and also we want to feel worthy, buffer ourselves against that as much as possible, and also we want to feel worthy and a big marker of that in our society is how successful we are at work. So we tend to put a lot of energy there, but then what happens is, because we have limited bandwidth, the other parts of our lives get neglected, they get malnourished. So you really want to find a place of balance and that could mean cutting out what's not important.
April Snow: 9:04
So, looking at what, are you saying yes to? That isn't essential, that's not necessary, that doesn't bring fulfillment or any type of nourishment for you. Are you doing things just to do them, because you think that's what's expected of you, that's what everyone else is doing? So making some edits to how you're spending your time, how you're expending your energy, that's going to be really essential, so that way you have more time for your work. You can lean into that as much as you need to pursue your ambitions, but then also, again, finding a counterbalance You've heard me talk about that before and making sure you're also equally devoting time to rest to activities that nourish and fulfill you. That's really important. When you're a more sensitive person, we need that fulfillment. And then people are always asking me how I do so much, because I have a psychotherapy practice, I've written books, I'm doing this podcast, showing up on YouTube and social media, and there's a few ways this is possible and I've tweaked it over the years.
April Snow: 10:15
But number one is asking for help. So I have people that help me behind the scenes. I could not do what I do without them. So grateful for them and their support. And then helping my personal life from friends, from my therapist, from my wife, just making sure that I'm being bolstered by those people and not needing to do it all myself. That's a big part of the puzzle, right? Not holding it all on my shoulders alone, and there are times where I definitely try to do that. I'm an eldest child and I can sometimes slip into that hyper-independent space. Oh, I can do it. I don't need to ask for help. And also asking for help can be challenging sometimes.
April Snow: 10:56
As an HSP, we may not want to risk the rejection or create an imposition on someone. We don't want to burden them, risk the rejection or create an imposition on someone. We don't want to burden them. But really a lot of hemp people are happy to help, especially since we give so much, so people can oftentimes be excited to support us in return. So asking for help is a big piece of the puzzle for me personally.
April Snow: 11:18
And then boundaries we hear a lot about boundaries, but they are so important, especially if you're highly sensitive and you have limited energy and if you have big ideas about how you want to expend that energy. Boundaries are your best friend. They are a non-negotiable. It's really important to think about how do I want to spend my energy, what is most sustainable for me, and practicing saying no, or you've heard me probably talk about this too at least compromising. Maybe you're not saying no, maybe you're saying yes, but you're saying yes on your own terms. So you're helping someone, you're socializing with someone, but maybe for less time or in a different location or on a different date or time, or you're approaching that connection in a different way than you used to make it work for you. So boundaries again so essential and something that I have slowly gotten more comfortable with over time. And so I just say that to give yourself permission that we're often not taught how to set boundaries. Boundaries can feel harsh, they can feel distancing in a relationship when really they're essential. That way, everyone is getting their needs met, and then it makes the relationship more sustainable, more balanced over the long term.
April Snow: 12:37
And then, another big piece for me in pursuing my work dreams while also finding balance is taking a day to do nothing. Now, for me that's usually Fridays, but if not Fridays, then Sunday, or at least one day of the weekend, but just having an unstructured day. So, especially if you're in hyper productivity mode, you're doing a lot of engaging intellectual work. Your brain needs a rest and because we are deep processors, we pause and reflect before acting. Your brain is always anticipating what's next. So that's day-to-day, that's week-to-week.
April Snow: 13:19
So just think about a day where you have an appointment. It could be a work appointment, it could be a doctor's appointment, it could be a friend date. Just think about how you spend that morning versus a day when you have nothing on your calendar. You're anticipating, usually not necessarily in an anxious way, just in a wanting to be prepared way, a preparatory way. Okay, I'm leaving at 4. Okay, then that means I need to get ready at 3. Okay, where am I going? Where am I gonna park? How am I gonna get there? What should I wear? I wonder what I. I wonder what I'm going to eat while I'm out to lunch or I wonder what I'm going to say in this meeting, I wonder who else is going to be there. There's so many questions that come up and it takes brain space. It takes brain energy, mental energy.
April Snow: 14:04
So, needing to have time when that's not the case, where you have an open day where you can allow yourself to catch up on processing what happened before, you can allow yourself to just follow your impulses throughout the day. What do I want to do right now? Oh, you know what I really feel like doing. I want to get on that yoga mat or I want to work on that puzzle, I want to read that book, I want to go for a hike and you can just have free space to listen to your body. Very good practice when you're highly sensitive, when you tend to want to get things right and you're often seeing people in your external environment that don't necessarily match what's happening for you. So it's a great practice in reconnecting.
April Snow: 14:47
So, having that day off to do nothing and to recharge, find a sense of internal fulfillment in whatever activities you're engaging in, having a mental rest, and then you can re-engage the rest of the week. So those are just a few ideas, how to create a sense of balance when you put a lot of energy into your work, when you have big ideas and dreams for yourself. I just want to encourage you that it is possible. Highly sensitive people are amazing creatively problem solving. We bring a lot of assets to any workplace, whether you work for an organization or you work for yourself. There's just so many gifts we bring to the table. So I do want to encourage you.
April Snow: 15:35
Just because you're highly sensitive doesn't mean you can't meet those dreams and those goals. It's just a matter of finding balance. Make sure you have space to rest, to decompress, to process your thoughts and feelings, so you can clear out and have space to do your work. Thanks so much for joining me for today's solo episode. What I hope you'll remember is that it's possible to be productive and meet your goals as a highly sensitive person. To get there, find that counterbalance between doing and being, between working and resting, and carving out space for the ebbs and the flows, being able to deep dive and then recover.
April Snow: 16:27
For more support in feeling more rested more of the time, check out the show notes or go to sensitiveschoolcom for more resources. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the Sensitive Stories podcast, so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated For behind-the-scenes content and more HSP resources. You can sign up for my email list or follow Sensitive Strengths on Instagram, tiktok and YouTube. Check out the show notes or sensitivestoriescom for all the resources from today's episode. Thanks for listening. Thank you.
