29: Gently Building a Relationship with Yourself as an HSP
With Elizabeth Cush, LCPC
Do you feel disconnected from yourself and your needs? In this episode, I talk with Elizabeth Cush, LCPC about being more gentle with yourself and:
• Finding your way to acceptance of your sensitivity through self-compassion
• Practicing simple acts of mindfulness to understand what you need moment to moment
• Slowing down to nurture all parts of yourself and your life
• Living a balanced life with less overwhelm
Elizabeth is a life coach for highly sensitive women, a licensed clinical professional counselor, and business owner. She’s also the host of the Awaken Your Wise Woman podcast. She incorporates the body, mind, and spirit into her work. As a life coach, she helps sensitive women who feel stressed and overwhelmed find balance, flow, and ease to fully enjoy the beautiful life they’ve created. When she’s not working she’s traveling, and hanging outdoors with her husband and dachshund Elvis.
Keep in touch with Elizabeth:
• Website: https://www.elizabethcushcoaching.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/awakenyourwisewoman
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@elizabethcushlcpc3220
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elizabethcushlcpc
• Podcast: https://www.elizabethcushcoaching.com/awaken-your-wise-woman-podcast
Resources Mentioned:
• Sacred Support Circles for Sensitive Women: https://www.elizabethcushcoaching.com/hsp-group-coaching-for-women
• A Guide to navigating friendships in Midlife: https://freeguide.elizabethcush.com
• The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer: https://bookshop.org/a/63892/9781462526789
Thanks for listening!
You can also follow "SensitiveStrengths" for behind-the-scenes content plus more educational and inspirational HSP resources:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sensitivestrengths
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This episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Some links are affiliate links. You are under no obligation to purchase any book, product or service. I am not responsible for the quality or satisfaction of any purchase.
Episode Transcript
Elizabeth Cush: 0:00
bring some self-compassion into this process, because so often what we heard was we were too much, too emotional, too sensitive sort of reframe that. Yeah, I have lots of big emotions and I do feel things very deeply, and that's a good thing, because we need that.
April Snow: 0:27
Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author, april Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP without all the overwhelm. In this episode, I talk with Elizabeth Kush about slowing down to build a relationship with yourself as an HSP so that you can understand your needs and soothe overwhelm, how practicing self-compassion creates more acceptance of your sensitivity and simple ways you can practice mindfulness throughout the day.
April Snow: 1:11
Elizabeth, or Biz, is a life coach for highly sensitive women, a licensed clinical professional counselor and business owner. She's also the host of the Awaken your Wise Woman podcast. She incorporates the mind, body and spirit into her work and, as a life coach, she helps sensitive women who feel stressed and overwhelmed find balance, flow and ease to fully enjoy the beautiful life they've created. When she's not working, she's traveling and hanging outdoors with her husband and Dotson Elvis. For more HSP resources and to see behind the scenes video from the podcast, join me on Instagram, tiktok or YouTube at Sensitive Strengths or sign up for my email list. Links are in the show notes and at sensitivestoriescom. And just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Let's dive in this. Can you start off by telling me your HSP discovery story?
Elizabeth Cush: 2:35
how and when you realize that you're highly sensitive. Yeah, it's funny. I think it had a lot to do with getting to know you. I don't think I really knew anything or much about being highly sensitive. You know, I always knew that I felt big. I always knew that I was very, very empathic, and almost not to a fault but like so empathic about animals and nature that like I always knew that was a part of me. But I didn't really ever have any way to sort of package it until you and I started talking. I started following some of your stuff early on in my business journey, so I think probably my fifties learning, which is, I think, late in life for a lot of people these days.
April Snow: 3:22
Yeah, it's amazing I've heard that from other folks too where we had this sense that, okay, I'm more emotional, more empathic, more you know, a deeply feeling person, but just not understanding the context for why that's happening.
Elizabeth Cush: 3:36
Absolutely. To me, it was just like I'm an introvert, right, like that's what I did, it all sort of lumped into like I'm an introvert and I'm anxious, and so that's why I am the way I am, versus like I have anxiety and, yes, I am introverted, but I also have this whole other piece that interacts with both those things.
April Snow: 3:54
Yes, that's exactly what I thought too. I was like I'm introverted, but then I hit a wall there, like well, this doesn't quite explain everything. It felt like some things were missing. So when you had that framework, did that shift anything for you knowing? Oh, there's something to this.
Elizabeth Cush: 4:13
Yeah Well, it was almost like such a validation for those other pieces. I used to sort of frame that overwhelmed feeling as like anxiety versus like I'm just getting overwhelmed, I just can't take in more information. But it also really helped me to see myself more compassionately, just to really embrace the sensitivity in a kinder, more compassionate way.
April Snow: 4:43
Yeah, to kind of tease apart that feeling of anxiety, because you know overwhelm anxiety it gets jumbled, it feels the same, but when we pull it apart there's different layers there, different causes. I'm curious for you as an HSP, what gets you to that point of overwhelm the most?
Elizabeth Cush: 5:02
I think, like for me it's well, probably for a lot of HSPs but like too much information, too much sensory information coming at me at once, and so it could be. I'm with someone who is super extroverted, talks a lot, they talk loud, they're very boisterous. It takes me. I have to be careful because I tend to get irritable and it just feels like there's too much coming at me. And it's not usually about the person themselves, it's just their energy is so different. But it could be too like.
Elizabeth Cush: 5:39
I've been in trainings where you can tell the trainer wants to pack in as much information as possible for the good of the participants and I just shut down. There was a time where I would get teary, I'd get upset, I'd be like what's wrong with me that I can't, I'm not understanding this or I'm not keeping up. But I'm better at identifying. Like oh, this training just isn't for me, like I can't take information in this way. So that's been really helpful to know. But also crowds, like going to the mall, things like that, that just wears me out, yeah.
April Snow: 6:15
Yeah, Whenever anything is too loud, too fast, it's so hard to integrate when we need to process it deeply and when we take in the nuance it's a lot on our nervous systems.
Elizabeth Cush: 6:29
Yeah.
April Snow: 6:29
Yeah.
Elizabeth Cush: 6:30
It really is. It really is, and it's nice for me, it's nice to be able to recognize like it's not anything wrong with me, it's just the way I'm built.
April Snow: 6:41
Right, exactly.
Elizabeth Cush: 6:43
Yeah.
April Snow: 6:44
Yeah, that's it. This is how we're wired. Yep, and it's okay.
Elizabeth Cush: 6:49
Yeah.
April Snow: 6:49
I'm curious how so we're holding that this is how we're wired, but then we also have to go to training sometimes or be in social situations sometimes. How do we accept that we're going to do less, we're going to have less capacity? Have you gotten to that place yourself where you're like I'm okay with welcoming and less, or taking a slower approach?
Elizabeth Cush: 7:13
oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I have really tried to well honor that for one, that it's going to be a slower approach, but finding the modalities of training that do work with my system has been super helpful. Also, if I know I'm going somewhere like a concert, because I love live music, or someplace where I know there's going to be a lot of stimulation, it's just kind of preparing myself like, okay, it's going to take me a little while to really feel fully present here, yeah, but I do a lot of people watching and it gets me more focused with my attention versus just like ah, there's too much.
April Snow: 7:53
It's kind of letting yourself ease in a little bit yeah.
Elizabeth Cush: 7:57
Yeah.
April Snow: 7:57
Kind of taking in the scene.
Elizabeth Cush: 7:59
Yes, exactly, yes, exactly. And sometimes to me, the people watching gets me sort of in a more curious mindset like, oh, what's happening? Yeah well, what are they doing? What are they talking about? Or, yeah, what's the dynamic in that relationship?
April Snow: 8:15
And it's so interesting to notice those little details and pick up on that, and I love that. Then maybe you want to lean in more versus run away. Like oh, then maybe you want to lean in more versus run away.
Elizabeth Cush: 8:26
Right, exactly, exactly. It sort of just opens up that more curious mindset and yeah, makes it easier.
April Snow: 8:32
And so bringing in space for that Arrive early. Don't put that pressure on yourself just to dive in, even if the other people you're with are doing that, or other people you see are doing that. Just like, have the breaks a little bit.
Elizabeth Cush: 8:46
Yep, exactly, yeah, getting there early, finding my seat if it's especially like a concert or something or theater or things like that where there are a lot of people and jostling but sometimes, too, leaving early, like if I've had enough, it's like okay, that's okay.
April Snow: 9:02
Yeah, that's okay too. And how do you know when it's time to leave early? Does your system tell you?
Elizabeth Cush: 9:08
Yeah, I tend to get a little cranky. I get a little irritable. Yeah, I think I just get tired too, which adds to the irritability. But yeah, I just get tired and it's like, okay, it's time.
April Snow: 9:22
It's time to go, yeah, and that's okay, and what I hear you saying is that we don't have to miss out. It's just maybe making some modifications around how we arrive and how long we stay or how we treat ourselves during.
Elizabeth Cush: 9:36
Yeah, exactly, Exactly Well, and I feel like for trainings too, like another side of that is, if it's possible, if I can be off camera, that's helpful. Sometimes I end up laying on the floor in my office, so I just listening, versus having to necessarily watch all the PowerPoints and try to take in all the information at the same time. It's limiting how much I'm bringing in, so that can be really helpful too.
April Snow: 10:03
Yeah, looking at, maybe, the overall picture of the sensory load. So if we're listening, maybe we could shut down our visual simulation, right, because looking at all those faces on Zoom is a lot, or looking at slides over and over and over also gets to be a little overwhelming.
Elizabeth Cush: 10:22
Yeah, especially if they're, like, packed with information.
April Snow: 10:26
Yeah, yes, exactly.
Elizabeth Cush: 10:28
Yeah, a lot of them going through them quickly, right.
April Snow: 10:31
Yeah Right. The pace, the content or the way the content is presented usually isn't designed for HSPs. Right Like people want to pack in a lot of information which I guess I appreciate at one level, but it can be difficult on the other level to actually assimilate it.
Elizabeth Cush: 10:45
Yeah, absolutely.
April Snow: 10:47
Yeah, getting creative how you take care of yourself. Yep, it's taken a while, but I'm learning. Yes, that's it. Yeah, and so there's those little things that we can do day to day. But what if we're trapped in maybe a longer period of overwhelm? It's not just particular events, but maybe we're stuck in a stress cycle. What can we do then?
Elizabeth Cush: 11:10
For me, I think what's helped is having, I guess, over the last 10 or 12 years, really making my mindfulness meditation practice a regular part of my day.
Elizabeth Cush: 11:24
So I I recognize when the stress is building faster, if it gets to the point where I kind of wasn't paying attention and I'm all of a sudden like, ah, I know enough to be like, oh, all right, well, I need to do something. And sometimes I can remove myself in a way that's not rude or too disruptive. I can be like I need to go to the bathroom. I can go to the bathroom and, just kind of recenter, get some quiet. I know, two weekends ago, my youngest son he's 28, and he brought home we have a smallish house but he brought home five of his closest friends, all of whom were very boisterous and loud and sweet and kind, but just a lot of energy with all of them in the house, and there were times where I would just kind of disappear into my room and just find some quiet, whether it was like I don't know, like folding towels or just doing something very mundane. That just really helped me just kind of recenter myself.
April Snow: 12:31
Yeah, something to anchor. Yes, it's so important to be able to step out. Not that you have to, I mean you could leave entirely but even just having those breaks in the kind of like more chaotic energy, the social frenzy, can make a big difference. Just to come back to yourself, and folding towels is a great practice. It's very tactile, it's soothing.
Elizabeth Cush: 12:57
Yeah, they all look neat and tight. I like them to be very neat and tidy folded in the same way. So then it looks really nice when I put them away.
April Snow: 13:05
Yeah, yes, I love it. It's so important to just to think outside the box there, because I think a lot of times we as HSPs, we want to show up just like everybody else, and we'll often push ourselves beyond our limits to do that, and then we get irritable or maybe we start to snap at people or the emotions become uncontained yeah, and that's also not comfortable for us either. So, being able to slow it down, I'm curious. Is this something that you've always been able to do, or is this something you've leaned into more as you've discovered your sensitivity and being able to take care of yourself in these ways?
Elizabeth Cush: 13:48
Definitely something that I've leaned into.
Elizabeth Cush: 13:50
I think in the past I felt like I had to be like everybody else, like I would push myself just almost to the point of exhaustion, right Like just even raising kids.
Elizabeth Cush: 14:05
I was a stay-at-home mom, but I also took care of other people's kids, and that was not designed for my nervous system. Lots of young kids in the house love my kids and love their kids too, but it was a lot. I didn't really know how to do it differently, and so by the end of the day I would find that I was exhausted and frustrated and didn't look forward to the next day. And so, as I've learned how to build my own therapy practice and not completely overwhelm my system by pushing too hard or taking on too many clients, it really has been a learning process of what works, what doesn't, noticing the signals when the overwhelm is building. I have gone through periods of, even in the therapy work, of feeling burned out and feeling my system just taxed, and so I've learned to have to take vacations, I have to get away from the business, yeah, and that's definitely been a learning process.
April Snow: 15:10
Yeah, we really do need those breaks, just to set everything down.
Elizabeth Cush: 15:14
Yes.
April Snow: 15:17
And you found ways to do that, even as a parent and a therapist.
Elizabeth Cush: 15:21
Yeah, yeah, well, you know, my kids are all now grown and out of the house. All now grown and out of the house. But even when they do come home, it is a different energy and it's learning to appreciate them and their gifts too. I would say all three of my boys have some sensitive characteristics. One's a very outgoing sensitive, well, I would say. Two are the other. One's a little more introverted. But yeah, yeah, yeah, just appreciating them and their sensitivities and what they need, but also as we gather as a family to build in time of like we don't have to just be doing, doing, doing, like we can relax and hang out, and yeah.
April Snow: 16:02
Yeah, just be together.
Elizabeth Cush: 16:04
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
April Snow: 16:05
What a beautiful modeling for them.
Elizabeth Cush: 16:07
What a beautiful modeling for them. Yeah, wow, definitely has taken some time to really own for me, but also to help them own their own sensitivities too.
April Snow: 16:21
Yeah, especially for boys, it can be harder at times, so being able to, at least at home where they can let themselves show up fully.
Elizabeth Cush: 16:28
Yeah, yeah.
April Snow: 16:29
So important.
Elizabeth Cush: 16:30
Yeah, it is. It really is you?
April Snow: 16:34
mentioned, it's part of your process is really just noticing. You're noticing when you're overwhelmed, notice when it's time to take a break, noticing what other people are bringing and appreciating that as well, and you also. You alluded just briefly to your meditation practice, so is that kind of integral part of being with your sensitivity, just bringing that mindfulness lens?
Elizabeth Cush: 16:57
Definitely, definitely. I think it's helped me better identify when the overwhelm is building or when I'm getting more stressed. When I'm getting more stressed so I can take care of myself, sort of incrementally, versus when I'm like spent and beyond, you know, just need to crash. But I do think too, with the mindful meditation practice, that a robust self-compassion practice has been incredibly helpful.
April Snow: 17:27
Yes, can you say more about that?
Elizabeth Cush: 17:34
helpful. Yes, can you say more about that? Yeah, well, I think probably around the time I was learning about high sensitivity, I was also really diving deep into Kristen Neff and Chris Germer's work around self-compassion and in order to really embrace and hold my sensitivities as valuable and gifts, it really took finding that compassion for when it felt really hard or when I felt like maybe I had pushed myself too far or overburdened my system, but also just to be compassionate for the sensitivity itself. Compassionate for the sensitivity itself. Right Like, this is who I am, this is how I'm built, and that can be a gift, but it can also be a challenge. Yeah, yeah.
April Snow: 18:20
So compassion feeds into acceptance. No-transcript. So understanding that, I think that's really important to understand that we're not all wired the same and other people aren't having our lived experience. So, taking on that responsibility to express your needs and your point of view as a sensitive person, yeah, that's so important to do. I think we forget that because we are so good at noticing other people yes, we are, we are so good at it and others aren't even always able to notice us at that same subtle level of detail.
Elizabeth Cush: 19:25
Yeah, I agree, yeah, yeah, Well and I think it just helps too with, if we are bumping up against people who we feel like are insensitive, to be able to kind of find compassion for them, like all right, well, what are they going through that they're not able to receive me in the way I need to be received, right, right.
April Snow: 19:48
Because there may be something getting in the way for them be received Right. Right, because there may be something getting in the way for them, you know, where they don't have the capacity.
Elizabeth Cush: 19:55
Yeah.
April Snow: 19:56
I'm curious if that, if let's say that lack of capacity shows up as maybe misunderstanding moves into maybe critical comments or something that feels uncomfortable or unsafe, what do we do then? Because I think then something else besides compassion might need to come in. Just curious about that piece.
Elizabeth Cush: 20:18
Yeah, well, we have to defend ourselves, right? I mean, we can't just open our hearts and say I'm going to let my sensitive parts be hurt or wounded, and that's definitely been a challenge for me. I am such a non-confrontational person that it's taken. You know, I've had some challenging relationships where I've had to go back and say, hey, at the time I didn't really understand what was happening for me, but either it hurt my feelings or I felt a certain way and I'd like to get some clarification to just try to well recognize it takes me a long time to process stuff, so it sometimes means I have to come back and then clarify or reframe what happened, or frame what happened even just to better understand it.
April Snow: 21:08
Absolutely Right. I think this is something a lot of us go through, since we are needing to kind of take things away and process them on our own. We need to give ourselves that space to come back, revisit a conversation with someone once we've had time to understand what it means for us.
April Snow: 21:27
Yeah, yeah, yeah, cause that confrontation is really uncomfortable and it's not always available, even in the moment, means for us yeah, yeah, yeah, because that confrontation is really uncomfortable and it's not always available, even in the moment no, it's true, especially if it isn't feeling safe, but also too like I think there was a part of me for a long time that it would make it.
Elizabeth Cush: 21:43
so I was constantly rehashing what I could have said like, oh, if I'd only thought and of course, this is how I felt because of X, y and Z and I'm you know, it has taken me some time to then actually come back and address those things in a way that feels safe for me too.
April Snow: 22:03
What does safety in those conversations look like for you? What do you need? What does?
Elizabeth Cush: 22:06
safety in those conversations. Look like for you. What do you need? I need somebody to listen. There's that to receive what I'm bringing I guess some compassion on their end too for me to really be able to hear me without either minimizing or diminishing what I'm saying it's the reciprocity.
April Snow: 22:24
Yes, absolutely.
Elizabeth Cush: 22:25
Yeah, I love that word, yeah that's so important.
April Snow: 22:29
Yeah, I really appreciate that. It's giving ourselves time to process, to take care of ourselves and then making sure that we're getting something back. You know, other people are not going to always understand our sensitivity, they're not having the same lived experience, but at least they could, you know, offer some understanding or interest, curiosity, yeah.
Elizabeth Cush: 22:50
Yeah, Just be willing to listen, even if they say I don't really get it, but I hear you Right.
April Snow: 22:55
Exactly yeah. So I know in your work you talk a lot about compassion and finding balance. I'm curious what does balance look like for you as an HSP, or how do you help your clients find balance? I'm just curious if we could dive into that a little bit.
Elizabeth Cush: 23:11
Yeah, I think a lot of times my clients, as you said, are so good at and me too for a long time, just so good at picking up on what other people need and sort of reading the emotion and really trying to offer up as much support and care and meeting other people's needs and for a long time for my clients, a long time of overdoing that without taking care of their own needs. So learning to pause or take a break or meditate right To really learn what you do need, because I think if we're constantly giving, giving, giving sometimes we lose track of where our needs have been like, where they fall and all of that. And it can be hard in relationships where that's been the pattern, where you've been the giver and really it has not been reciprocal right, there hasn't been a lot of giving back. So that can be a challenge for some of my clients to find that in a way that really works for them and the people in their lives, their relationships, relationships, and sometimes it means they're letting go of some of the relationships in order to feel balanced and safe in their own communities. For myself, I've learned that I really need to turn off work sometimes, which building a business was really hard. I felt like I was glued to my laptop for like the first three years of my business. Just like, how do I build it? I need clients. Fortunately that has eased so I don't have to be quite so attentive to it, but it still takes marketing and persistence and putting myself out there sometimes if I don't necessarily feel like it. So, finding that balance of the moments where I'm better at, like, writing copy or writing my newsletter or blog early in the morning, so if I can do that before there's a lot of distraction or before I get too tired, it flows pretty easily.
Elizabeth Cush: 25:20
Making sure I have actual days off, like now I take off on the weekends. I don't work on the weekends at all, I mean well, I try not to. But you know, if it's something small, like behind the scenes stuff, I will do it. But yeah, I need time away from work. But I also need fun time, like I need time in nature, I need to walk, I need to spend time with my dog, who is sleeping quietly next to me right now, and spent time with my husband and my kids, and that's really really important too. So, and I love to travel. So it's like being able to be an entrepreneur but not have it take over my life. It's really the most important thing. That, like personal stuff is just as important, maybe more important. Like personal stuff is just as important, maybe more important.
April Snow: 26:07
That's true, and it does get hard to find space for it, because when you own your own business or businesses, you could always be working in them or on them.
Elizabeth Cush: 26:17
Always.
April Snow: 26:17
The door doesn't always completely shut.
Elizabeth Cush: 26:21
It doesn't?
April Snow: 26:21
It's very tempting to hop on the computer on the weekend oh, just get ahead for the next week. Or, oh, I want to finish this project. It's something I struggle with too, just finding that balance. And you're right, we need to have space for all those different pillars of our lives. Time- in nature, time with our relationships with our animals, with our spiritual practice yes, Compassion practice so important.
Elizabeth Cush: 26:45
It is.
April Snow: 26:49
To fuel ourselves. So I hear you saying is like getting to know yourself, building a relationship with yourself, is really important to find that balance. You know what you need and when you need it and then be able to see when you've hit that limit early on in the process. Yeah, not once you're in a state of burnout or you're feeling maybe you've gotten sick or you're highly anxious. Whatever the sign is for you, just pulling it down a bit.
Elizabeth Cush: 27:12
Yeah.
April Snow: 27:13
Coming into that before. Yeah, can't see too much.
Elizabeth Cush: 27:17
Absolutely Well, and I think that is something I advocate for all my clients, because so often you know if they are giving, giving, giving and pushing themselves and their work and their home life and it gets to the point where it's not sustainable. But sometimes those patterns are so set that it's hard to slow it down. And you know, I can remember for a long time I was telling people, three times a day check in with yourself Breakfast, lunch and dinner. How am I doing? Just make it a practice of like oh, let's reflect back. Where am I? Where's my stress? Where's my yeah, how am I feeling? Do I need to recharge?
April Snow: 28:01
I'm just starting to ask the question.
Elizabeth Cush: 28:05
Yeah, exactly, just making that part of like, hmm, maybe it's time to check in with me.
April Snow: 28:10
Yeah, right, right. We're so good at checking with everyone else. But, we forget about ourselves.
Elizabeth Cush: 28:16
We do, we really do.
April Snow: 28:18
That's a great place for folks to start Just saying how am I doing? What do I need I doing? What do I need? And if that's kind of a new process for someone maybe they've never done any mindfulness work or haven't really spent a lot of time on themselves how can we make sure that we lean into that practice? If it feels unknown to us, how do we make sure we show up and ask the question Is it setting an alarm on our phones? Is it coupling it with some other tasks, like brushing your teeth? What do you find that works?
Elizabeth Cush: 28:51
I think, both those things.
Elizabeth Cush: 28:53
You know I'm not a huge like. I don't ever want someone to like feel like they're failing at checking in with themselves, so it needs to work for them. So if it's mealtime or if it's when you go to the bathroom, but it's like sort of natural breaks in your day to just take a minute reflect, I'm a big believer in a little sticky note like on your computer Don't forget to check in with yourself. Yeah, things like that that just make it a soft practice. If you forget, okay, well, I'm going to make sure I ask at this next break. Just going to come back to it.
April Snow: 29:30
Yeah, I love that A soft practice.
Elizabeth Cush: 29:33
Yeah.
April Snow: 29:34
It's not homework.
Elizabeth Cush: 29:36
No, right, exactly.
April Snow: 29:39
Yeah, there's nothing wrong if you forget.
Elizabeth Cush: 29:42
Right, you're not failing. It's going to take some and it is a practice. That's why they call it that right. It's just it takes time to sort of become more natural, I think, at least not easy for everybody. But one way that's been helpful for me is to kind of tune into my body and to notice do I have a whole lot of tension in my chest or is my belly feeling really disrupted my digestive system, or am I holding tension in my shoulders and even just like, am I breathing Right? If I'm like feeling super tense, we often hold our breath. So yeah, yeah, yeah. So just noticing those small things kind of opens doorways into what you do need.
April Snow: 30:25
Yeah, Because our body is so great at telling us.
Elizabeth Cush: 30:30
Yes.
April Snow: 30:30
It's a matter of can we listen Exactly Like I have also my tells like if I've been socializing too long or I haven't taken some downtime recently, yes, my stomach will start to feel a certain way, or I will notice I'm not breathing deeply. Yeah, take a moment. Yeah, take a moment.
Elizabeth Cush: 30:49
Yeah.
April Snow: 30:50
Slow it down, it's okay and it is a practice, isn't it? It ebbs and flows. It's this organic process and always changing. It's just showing up. However you can, it's such a gentle, affirming reminder. Yeah yeah, yeah.
Elizabeth Cush: 31:08
I think that's so important, yeah.
April Snow: 31:11
And that's self-compassion in practice.
Elizabeth Cush: 31:14
Yes, exactly yeah in action.
April Snow: 31:16
Yeah, yes, I love it.
Elizabeth Cush: 31:17
Exactly.
April Snow: 31:19
Yeah, so I'm wondering if there was a message you could leave for HSPs who are starting to look at caring for themselves. Maybe it's a bit of a struggle. It's a new process.
Elizabeth Cush: 31:39
What would that message be? Fast-paced, semi-insensitive world right now, and that their gifts as sensitive people are needed. I think our energy is needed in the world and so take your time with this knowing, take your time with understanding what you need and, yeah, bring some self-compassion into this process, because so often what we heard was we were too much too emotional, too sensitive, to sort of reframe that Like, yeah, I have lots of big emotions and then I do feel things very deeply and that's a good thing because we need that.
April Snow: 32:28
We really do need that and emotions are so valuable.
Elizabeth Cush: 32:32
Yes, they are, they are.
April Snow: 32:35
Yes, in lots of different ways. I love that reminder just to take your time, slow things down.
Elizabeth Cush: 32:42
And you said earlier, which I'm paraphrasing you know, following your own rhythms yep, absolutely yep and being gentle with yourself, and so much becomes available when you do yeah, well, it just creates a different way of being in the world that really supports you, which is amazing which is really absolutely and a sense of people.
April Snow: 33:05
So much is possible when we support ourselves, not just for us, but for all the people in our lives.
Elizabeth Cush: 33:12
Yeah, yeah, oh. I believe that firmly, like, if we can enter in relationships in a more centered, grounded, peaceful presence and acceptance of ourselves, like that radiates out into the world, like that radiates out into the world which is beautiful.
April Snow: 33:26
It's so beautiful. Thank you, Biz. I really appreciate these gentle reminders to take care of ourselves and let that be a process. Don't have to get it perfectly.
Elizabeth Cush: 33:37
Yes, exactly yes, thank you for that.
April Snow: 33:40
I will be sure to share your website, your social media. You have a free guide to navigating friendships, which I love. I'll share all that in the show notes. You also have another resource coming up your sacred support circles for sensitive women. I do, and I'm wondering if you could share a little bit more about that.
Elizabeth Cush: 33:57
Yeah, so I guess about a year ago I had done group work off and on, throughout both my training as a therapist but also in different work environments, and I got away from it during the pandemic because it just felt like too much, but it really was feeling called back to it and so just this focus on my own sensitivities made it a natural sort of product of how I would like to support other women. So, yeah, so we gather and a lot of it is really just about connecting with other sensitive souls because we don't get a lot of that energy. So it is a gentle flow. There is learning, but that's done sort of in the off weeks and so you can do it or not do it, that's up to you. But it's really about building a really great relationship with yourself so that you can be that most authentic, grounded, authentic person that you can be.
April Snow: 34:56
Yeah, that's it and what we talked about today just the importance of that, of just knowing yourself as an HSP. Yeah, and does it meet online?
Elizabeth Cush: 35:06
It is. It's an online group for anybody. So as a therapist, I'm only licensed in Maryland and Delaware, but this is not a therapy group, so anybody can join. It starts in October and it meets every other week and there's payment options. But, yes, it'll be an every other week group that meets on Thursdays like 1230 to 130 Eastern time.
April Snow: 35:27
Perfect, wonderful. So yeah, I'll be sure to share that and I hope folks will check it out. It's a beautiful resource. We really do need community as HSPs, to know there are others like us.
Elizabeth Cush: 35:39
Yes, exactly. And just to be within that energy of other sensitives. It's so beautiful.
April Snow: 35:45
It is so beautiful. Every time I'm in any type of HSP group, I always just feel so emotional, but in a positive way which is filled with gratitude. There's something different about it which I'm sure you've seen. We just kind of get into the same. I don't know we're just at the same kind of energy level. Things are a little bit softer, a little bit softer, a little bit slower. For me it's been really healing to be in that kind of space.
Elizabeth Cush: 36:07
Yeah.
April Snow: 36:08
Well.
Elizabeth Cush: 36:08
I know I've shared this with you, but I so appreciate your group online for therapists. It really has been. I was kind of late to join it. Somebody was like how come you're part of that group? I was like I don't know why am I not? But it's been really beautiful just to be there with other therapists who are also highly sensitive.
April Snow: 36:27
Yeah, thank you. It's a special space for sure, but kind of a quiet group we're, just it is. It's like a word of mouth.
Elizabeth Cush: 36:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it just feels like, well, what I love about gathering with other highly sensitive people is that it really is that softer energy. You know, it's really not to say we can't get loud and rambunctious too. Yeah, it just is, just feels safe.
April Snow: 36:55
Yes, exactly.
Elizabeth Cush: 36:57
Yeah.
April Snow: 36:57
I definitely feel that way too.
Elizabeth Cush: 37:00
Well, thank you so much. Oh, thank you Thanks for having me on the podcast, of course.
April Snow: 37:19
Thanks so much for joining me and Biz for today's conversation. What I hope you remember is that taking care of yourself is a practice and you don't have to do it perfectly to feel the benefits. Practice and you don't have to do it perfectly to feel the benefits and for more HSP community. Check out Biz's sacred support circles at the link in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the Sensitive Stories podcast so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated For behind thethe-scenes content and more HSP resources. You can sign up for my email list or follow Sensitive Strengths on Instagram, tiktok and YouTube. Check out the show notes or sensitivestoriescom for all the resources from today's episode. Thanks for listening. Thank you.
