02: Getting Comfortable
With Emily Adams, LMFT, CMT
What can you do when it all feels like too much and need to calm your overstimulated nervous system? In this episode, I talk with Emily Adams, LMFT, CMT about giving yourself permission to be comfortable and what’s possible when you do as well as:
Giving yourself permission to be comfortable and what’s possible when you do.
Listening and tending to your body’s needs and not overriding your instincts to reduce overwhelm.
How to know what soothing practices are best for your overstimulated nervous system.
Emily is a Somatic Psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She offers a mind-body approach to understanding the self, and loves helping people cultivate ways to feel safe in their own bodies, and in connection with others. She uses elements of spirituality, nature, anatomy, and the arts to support her therapeutic work, and finds these resources helpful in her personal life as well.
Keep in touch with Emily:
Website: http://www.emilyadamstherapy.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emilyadamstherapy
Thanks for listening!
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Episode Transcript
Emily: 0:00
I noticed that I can be a lot more present when I'm just comfortable.
April: 0:13
Welcome to Sensitive Stories, the podcast for the people who live with hearts and eyes wide open. I'm your host, psychotherapist and author, april Snow. I invite you to join me as I deep dive into rich conversations with fellow highly sensitive people that will inspire you to live a more fulfilling life as an HSP without all the overwhelm. In this episode, I talk with Emily Adams about giving yourself permission to be comfortable, letting things be easy and what's possible when you do, listening and tending to your body's needs and not overriding your instincts, and what to do when it all feels like too much, and how to know what soothing practices are best for your nervous system. Emily is a somatic psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay area. She offers a mind body approach to understanding the self and loves helping people cultivate ways to feel safe in their own bodies and in connection with others. She uses elements of spirituality, nature, anatomy and the arts to support her therapeutic work and finds these resources helpful in her personal life as well.
April: 1:29
For more HSP resources and to see behind the scenes video from the podcast, join me on Instagram, tiktok or YouTube at sensitive strengths or sign up for my email list. Links are in the show notes and at sensitivestoriescom. Just a reminder that this episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment with a mental health or medical professional. Let's dive in. When, how did you realize that you're a highly sensitive person? Sure.
Emily: 2:19
I think it involved you. I'm not sure that I had heard of the HSP trait before you started diving into it in your practice and a lot of what you were sharing and a lot of what you were talking about and how you work with people and what it means to be HSP was just like hitting me and resonating with me in this way that I was like getting really curious about it. So I think it was a process of reorienting towards things that I had been experiencing or feeling for a long time and then looking back on my life and connecting some dots and maybe having language for things that I was experiencing. So some of what really stood out to me was the experience of feeling overwhelmed easily feeling overwhelmed in crowds. That was a big thing for me as a kid, a little bit less as an adult, but as a kid I would always feel really just anxious and over simulated in crowds, having sensitivity around light and texture, clothing tags really bothering me on clothing, certain types of fabrics just really not being my thing, certain fit of clothes just not working for me or making me feel exhausted after a long day wearing them. I remember getting almost exhausted in class and in instances where I was really interested in what was going on and really paying a lot of attention, like I remember always having a headache after doing college tours and it was just taking in so much information and perhaps not being able to turn off my engagement or my interest in something, because I was just like taking it all in and not able to numb some of it out or filter some of it. Yeah, and I think it was just a lot of things clicking into place and having a name for it.
Emily: 4:31
Besides being tired or lazy or overwhelmed or needing a lot of rest, one thing that comes up a lot in my family that has been me from a very young age was like when we would go on hikes. As a kid I would walk. They say I would walk like 20 feet down the trail and say this looks like a nice place to sit and rest, and they would always joke about it as oh my gosh, I'm only just didn't like going on hikes, but I think I just wanted to pause and take in the sounds and the sights and the environment, and it was always labeled as this kind of silly quirk of mine or oh, she doesn't want to go on a big hike, so I think there could be a way that throughout my life, it had been labeled as something other than positive. Maybe, yeah.
April: 5:27
But you interacted with your world differently and in such depth and in a good way, intensity. It's like when I go on a high-growth walk I'm always stopping ever a few feet to take something in. Especially here in the Bay Area there's so many little beautiful nuggets and sights and things to take in. Yeah, I can imagine being that kid and wanting to just absorb the beauty and the sensory experience. There's just so much happening that a lot of people will miss. But, as a sensitive person you're so attuned to, yeah, and it's easy to have those labels you said like lazy or tired.
April: 6:08
These labels can be so hurtful to hear because they're just not accurate. They're missing something. It's how we're perceived from the outside, but there's so much more happening.
Emily: 6:16
It's a component of having a really vivid, active imagination, and that was something that also really fit, because even now, but especially as a kid, I could just entertain myself for hours and hours on end just coming up with scenarios inside of my own head, talking to myself, talking to imaginary friends, singing songs, engaging with my environment, and that part of HSPs was something that helped me start framing sensitivity more positively or more as something that was a skill and a trait rather than a weakness.
April: 6:57
There's all those other incredible experiences. I just feel so grateful all the time to be able to notice the little details and have it light me up. It's incredible. It's such a gift. You didn't say something that I wanted to come back to, just feeling exhausted by the clothes you were wearing. I've never heard anyone put it quite that way. We talk a lot about the sensory experience of it and tags and seams on socks and things like that. But that is very relatable, because if something is calling your attention, it could be positive or it could be negative. It really does take a lot from you. Just like you were saying on that hike, you would be absorbing so much, but also something is uncomfortable in some way or distracting. It also can take a lot.
Emily: 7:45
It's such a relatable experience we're taught to ignore that or to power through that, and I know for myself, when I started giving myself permission to like if I put something on and I get a little bit of the feeling to just be like nope and take it off, even if it looks good or if it's like something I'm supposed to wear or something I had planned to wear or had worn before and enjoyed I noticed that I can be a lot more present when I'm just comfortable in my clothes and it sounds so obvious when I say it out loud, but I think especially women or people who wear feminine clothing are really trained to override discomfort in that way. We grow up with that. Beauty is pain mantra and there's especially in therapy practice.
April: 8:40
When I was like sitting with clients, I would really tell myself if I'm comfortable, they're comfortable, yeah as that sensitive person to dress comfortably, to say no to things that we don't have bandwidth for, or to say lean in, say yes to more comfort and to more nourishments, so important.
Emily: 9:05
Yeah.
April: 9:06
It sounds as you were talking. It sounds like you've had these layers of your sensitive experience, insights coming in, and I'm wondering if how you view your sensitivity has changed or shifted over the years.
Emily: 9:17
Yeah, I think it has shifted from more negative judgments to more positive, holding it as more of a strength Again. When I was younger, I think I identified more as being like a tough kid, and I realize now that might have been me having an experience of overriding discomfort or overriding fatigue, overriding overstimulation and just getting through things. Everything felt very urgent. I often felt very rushed as a kid and so that sort of turned into an identity of being like tough and scrappy, and it wasn't until I started tending to some of those experiences, rather than trying to override them, where I started realizing, oh, that feeling of being uncomfortable wasn't the problem. It underneath of that was something that if I supported it, was actually really positive and a strength.
Emily: 10:24
So noticing like how when I'm comfortable, I can be much more present, or when I'm rested I can be more engaged, when I'm not overstimulated I can be more detail-oriented and I can really allow myself to pick up on the subtleties. And so I think a lot of how you've taught me about HSPs has helped me reframe some of that language of seeing things more as a superpower and seeing things as a skill and maybe something that I had that maybe other people didn't have because it felt when I was younger and in my early 20s. It felt like a lack rather than an abundance, and framing sensitivity is something where it's like an abundance of picking up on things, an abundance of noticing. That's really helped me frame it more as oh, this can be a really positive thing, especially if I support it.
April: 11:27
We do rest and we give ourselves more comfort. So much opens up All of that's innately in us as sensitive people starts to come alive more and more, and it is a matter of honoring ourselves. So we have to step outside those expectations. I'm curious about that part of you that was like I'm tough, I'm strong. It sounds like it was maybe a protector because you were having a different experience.
Emily: 11:54
How would you describe it Enduring something and then labeling that as as strong. Maybe it was a reaction to feeling like I was weak in some ways, like why can't I just run around like everybody? Why do I get tired? Why do I need to sit down and take in the view and maybe that label of I'm tough and having that sense of knowing internally that I felt like I was enduring something, that perhaps that was the protector part, rushing in and giving me another label to work with.
April: 12:31
Strong or not resilience? Actually, it's the opposite. I talk about this with clients all the time, like when you feel everything so deeply, you're taking in so much and yet you're still operating at the same level as everyone else.
April: 12:44
That yes, commend yourself for that. Not that we need a prize, but just to acknowledge that we are filtering so much more through every single moment, every single day, and yet still showing up to life in the same ways. So, yeah, I love that young Emily was acknowledging I'm strong, I'm different and yet I'm strong. And I'm sure there's lots of layers there, but I just want to acknowledge it. Yeah, there's strength and sensitivity. I love that.
Emily: 13:12
The most sensitive ones are also the strongest, and I think there is that back and forth of the more sensitivity you have, the more you endure, because the more you're processing and the more you're being asked to tolerate discomfort, I think even from a really young age.
April: 13:31
Modeled or not being able to see yourself outside in the world, because even if there are sensitive people around you, they don't always know it and they're not always embracing it or have permission to embrace. So I think that's starting to shift, but it's a process. But, yeah, we're trying to make sense of it. Yeah, I love that. We don't allow it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, there's a lot of sometimes armoring and other times just not being aware of that part of our experience or what it could be if we really leaned in. In some ways, I get excited thinking about that, like more permission, more rest, more comfort, what is possible. And there are people that I get excited whenever I see someone really living that to the fullest. You can do it, it's possible. I am curious because I think it's important to acknowledge that we're all different as sensitive people. Is there a part of you that you feel like doesn't fit the mold as a highly sensitive person, something that someone might not expect when they hear that you're highly sensitive?
Emily: 14:32
The sensation of touch and that type of sense, and so some of the other areas I find maybe I'm not as sensitive in. So some things I was thinking about that might not fit the mold is I love scary movies and that sensation of being scared and navigating like a lot of darkness doesn't feel overwhelming to me. I've come to love parties, but there's like a little caveat there where I prefer hosting. Yes, because I feel a little more comfortable in my own space and I can have the most fun at parties when I have a day before and a day after Wind up and wind down and I've come to really enjoy small talk, which I think is maybe not that typical. Yeah, I think it might be related to being a therapist and I have such beautifully abundant space to go deep with people that sometimes it can feel wonderful to not do that and to play up in the slightly more just like present superficial space.
April: 15:45
Of something light, something fun. That is such a good point. I don't really thought about that, but it is. Sometimes it's enjoyable to connect with someone and just then let it go, let it be lights. You mentioned touch in there. So I love that you're saying these things that if we were going down the list, most highly sensitive people or at least what we assume don't like scary movies or even anything with too much intensity, don't like to socialize too much and not in large groups. But I also appreciate that you're saying you do it in your own way, having that ramp up and ramp down time, that buffer before and after, and then with scary movies. I wonder, because we feel things, that there's something there.
Emily: 16:24
I'm not sure what it is, but I wonder if there's this, it's more enjoyable in some way as a highly sensitive person, the shadow side of life that I find really interesting and was always really interested in as a kid, and perhaps some of it was just having some experiences with loss as a kid and really trying to make sense of death at an age before developmentally most kids make sense of it. So I think I've always had this sort of inclination towards understanding that life is very complex and just wanting to understand it and being like, oh, it's not all good and there is bad and there is hurt, and what is that? And wanting to touch into it and perhaps even almost keep track of it in this way where it's, if I can stay connected to the shadow side of humanity, maybe it won't creep up on me as much, maybe it won't startle me.
April: 17:24
And then trying to make sense of it. And, yeah, have it not surprise you? That's why we're wired as sensitive people, right, so we know we're ahead of the game, we know what to expect. We're taking our experience and then using that so we're protected going forward. To go back, you mentioned touch being a primary part of your sensitivity, your sensitive experience, and I know you use a lot of semantics in your work, particularly as a way to manage that overwhelm that you talked about earlier. Could you tell people what?
Emily: 17:54
semantics, are using the body as a valid source of information, and that means like noticing and paying attention and listening to the sensations that the body is experiencing. It means tending to the experience of the body, like responding to the sensations, getting curious about what they might be asking for, what they might be communicating, what they might mean, rather than overriding that experience, rather than ignoring it or distracting from it or pushing through, but really relating to the body, using it as a source of wisdom, allowing it to be as informative as the mind. So I think a lot of our society, and especially in the history of psychology, there has been a mind over matter, mind over body paradigm. Right, and somatics is a bit of returning to something earlier than that, something really innate, which is that we all have a body and it has this information that we don't even really need a ton of intellectualism to understand, and so being able to respond to that in just a human way, an animal way.
April: 19:22
Trusting your instincts and listening to what your body is telling you Just so important for sensitive people. Often, if we allow ourselves to be with it, there's so much information there, the sensations. They're telling us exactly what to do, how to take care of ourselves, what we need. So such an important tool for us as sensitive folks. Before we dive into that, the connection between somatics and sensitivity, I'm wondering. I'm just curious how you were drawn to this work.
Emily: 19:49
I'm sitting here being like okay, which trail do I choose to describe? Because I think a lot of my lived experience led me to the field of psychology. Being in therapy as a kid, knowing what therapy meant, I experienced a lot of therapy that was what we would call, from the neck up right. A lot of therapy that was like just use your words, use your mind, tell me how you feel. And I was somewhat disconnected from my body as a kid, I think, and I started experiencing pain at I don't know if I could say a young age, but maybe middle school, high school, started getting some neck pain, shoulder pain, started getting interested in how I could find relief from that, and so I started discovering massage or touch. My mom signed me up I think I was maybe in high school or maybe in my early years of college for a healing touch program workshop that I did, and that's when I really started entering this like other layer of sensitivity and maybe started discovering, along with like when we're kids, when we're girls that sleep over, and we're like let's do a massage train, and then I was always the one that they were like Emily, give me a massage. I'm like okay. And so I started just getting the reflection that maybe I was able to pick up from my tactile sense something that was happening in somebody else's body and that maybe that was, maybe I was good at it or maybe I was able to feel things that other people weren't, and so I started nurturing that skill a little bit.
Emily: 21:40
And then I was always really interested in the connection between the mind and the body of like, when something hurts, why does it hurt? And is there an emotional connection between the back pain and and I don't really know exactly where that came from, but I think a lot of us here at least some sense of back pain being related to adults being stressed right. So I was picking up on some of that oh, stress and back pain and like anxiety and back pain and getting really curious in that. And then, as I got more massage training before I pursued licensure and therapy, I would experience people on the table having what I now know is a somatic emotional release, so laughter or tears or a memory surfacing or some sort of emotion that they didn't understand that was coming up and out as we were physically releasing a muscle. So that's where I was like starting to really get curious about.
Emily: 22:46
Oh, there's something in the center of this Venn diagram here, I think, also just honoring my own sensitivity around giving and receiving touch, of honoring that, okay, I was able to feel something through my hands on an anatomy level that I felt very competent in, and then also noticing how specific I was in the kind of touch I wanted to receive, of like how certain types of texture or touch just felt intolerable to me, like I hate really light tickles, which a lot of people love, and to me I'm like it makes me just like crawl out of my skin. But I love more compression or firm touch that feels very intentional and contacted With a lot of your sensitive clients.
April: 23:40
Have you noticed that they tend to like more firm or containment when they're getting touch versus the light touches?
Emily: 23:47
If I'm just using like a small pool of maybe who, I'm thinking of the people that come to mind who love back tickles, arm tickles, that really light touch.
Emily: 23:59
They also have a higher tolerance for, like lots of layers of sound and high intensity environments. And I'm thinking also of, maybe just on the nervous system level, that one thing I've noticed with clients is sometimes when people are really familiar with being really up or really down, that meeting your nervous system where it is can be helpful. So if we take somebody who's often activated or often hyper-vigilant, maybe has a familiarity with danger and trauma and pain, and we tell them just to sit and be still and be gentle, they are gonna feel unsafe. And so those clients I tend to recommend that they allow themselves to seek more intensity in their self-soothing, and so that might look like a cold plunge or that might look like oh, I hate yoga but I love running. Or it might not look like soft, gentle arm tickles, it might look more like padding or firm compression Compression I like how you used the word containment, because that's, I think, what I respond to with that type of touch is it feels very safe because it feels contained and like it just wraps me up.
April: 25:30
We hear so much about mindfulness and meditation and breathing like those gentle practices being the way, and a lot of times it causes harm or it sends someone into more dysregulation or dys. So I appreciate what you're saying, that it's important to know your own body, know your own nervous system and give yourself again permission to do the practices that make sense for you and it may not look like what other people are doing or what most people are doing so important. And another piece you talked about back aches and earlier talked about headaches and anxiety showing up in the body. Again, the body is very expressive. It will tell us when it needs something so important.
April: 26:13
So if someone is struggling to go inward because I see this a lot with my clients where the emotions have been so intense, there hasn't been a lot of acknowledgement of their sensitivity and they've maybe been in a pretty chronic dysregulated state for a long time. I think you mentioned as a kid you did top up work and so did I. I remember I had to describe the first third of my life like that, just living from the neck up and then slowly had to drop back down. How do we start to reconnect if we've been disconnected for a long time and yet the body is yelling at us. I need you to pay attention to me. How do we start that process?
Emily: 26:52
I would really recommend people start small, start with what feels easy, start with what feels comfortable and safe and take breaks and allow yourself to notice and honor when it feels like too much. And so an option that I often will give clients when we're beginning to go in is I'll say something like if it ever feels too intense, remember that you have choice and you can always choose to orient just outside of your body. So orient to your room, orient to something in your immediate environment. If being inside starts to feel like too much and that's actually the practice is dipping in, noticing the signal from our body that says this feels like too much, listening to that, honoring that and then taking a break, and that signals safety to the body. So if the body knows, oh, when it's too much, I get to have that recognized and honored then we can, little by little, start to increase our tolerance.
April: 28:04
Recognize and to not be pushed to the brink of overwhelm Just seems really healing for an HSP who maybe has had their needs or their experience missed or ignored or rewritten by someone saying this is how you actually feel, this is what you actually need. Can you explain a little bit about what's a sign or two that will let me know I've hit that point of it's too much? How do I know it's too much, especially if you're used to overriding.
Emily: 28:35
I think at the core of what you're asking is like how do I know when my body says no, yeah, how do I know what a no feels like in my body? And sometimes it will be as simple as a little like can be the feeling of resistance, just a feeling of pushing again. It can also be maybe looking out for a sense of like, disconnecting, numbing your body, maybe already trying to exit the experience. And so if you're trying to feel into your body and you keep hitting a point where you're getting really distracted or your mind is wandering, that might not be an invitation to say, let me double down. That might be an invitation to say, oh, I don't need a break here. There's probably a reason why I'm wandering at this moment. Wanna look at my phone?
April: 29:26
Why do I feel the urge to run or leave this space? Why does my stomach feel a little unsettled whenever the signs are and then getting? Oh, I think it can take a little while to start to pick up on what your go-to signs are, but eventually I think for me, like when I've had too much socializing, I just feel this emptiness in my stomach and it's pretty subtle, but I know that's the sign it's time for me to go. Or if I start to get a little bit of a headache, I'm like okay, you've pushed yourself too much, it's time to take a break, go for a walk. There's little signs that you can start to pick up on that and it's different usually for everyone. But, yeah, just starting to learn how to listen After years of pushing through, of ignoring, overriding I think it's a word to use which I think is so perfect yeah, just slowly building that relationship back up.
Emily: 30:14
When I'm inviting clients or assessing what their relationship is with their sensation, we might do a little bit of a body scan and just notice where they can name sensations and where there's a little bit of an emptiness or like an I don't know what's going on there and it can be really alluring to go right to that place of, oh, they feel really disconnected with, maybe, their core. So let's go right there. But actually I often will go more towards where they already do feel and connect with sensation. So if they're very oriented towards their limbs, wonderful, let's start there.
April: 30:55
Yeah, that's so good to hear. So I think there's a lot of needing to fit in, to do whatever everyone else is doing, to push harder, and how soothing it is to hear you say it's okay to start with what you know. It's okay to start slowly, to listen, to not have to push so hard. It's just it's so good to hear. I think a lot of people will just really need to hear that, because we don't hear it too often as sensitive people.
April: 31:25
Yeah, so we talked a little bit about what somatics are and what are some signs maybe that your body's needing some attention. How do we know what we can start with as far as the practices go, cause there's I feel like somatics are getting so much at least, maybe just what I see, cause I'm interested in it, but I just see a lot more people showing up online with different practices and approaches. Some have more training than others, so it can be really overwhelming to know where to start. What is the right practice to use? What would you say is the best place to start if you're wanting to incorporate some somatic practices?
Emily: 32:00
How do you know what works? It is gaining some traction and so it's coming online for a lot of people. Oh, the body and somatic practices. I think my simplest recommendation is to treat it the same way you would treat a really large menu. So you go into a restaurant, the menu is huge. Just try some things, just note, take a look at the menu, take a look at all the options, notice maybe what you might want to try, order that, try that and if you don't like it, order something else, or don't order that again, and then just maybe keep track of what you keep coming back to. So I really think of it as it's a menu, not a list. You get to try things.
Emily: 32:50
It's okay not to like things and that there's actually a lot of wisdom in what we like. So, even if we are looking at it like an actual menu and nutrition and intuitive eating, what flavors we enjoy and what feels good on our digestive system, is often something that works for us and is good for us and our body likes and our body can process easily. And so, similarly with somatic practices, something that feels, something that feels like your body likes it and your body might want to go back to. It is a really great place to start.
Emily: 33:37
I think there can be the urge to go for the thing that feels the hardest and to force yourself to do the thing that's the most challenging and certainly some people are more oriented to that and some people's bodies might respond more to that. And if that's what your body likes, then wonderful, go for that. If your body likes the thing that feels confusing and intense and super complex or even a little bit uncomfortable, then wonderful, go for that. But if your body likes the things that it likes, I think there can sometimes be this strange lack of permission to do those things. Why?
April: 34:21
Why, exactly, just like you were saying, when you're learning to listen to your body, listen to the arms, if that's what's available, you don't have to force yourself to go somewhere else. Same with whatever practices that you're using. If you like intensity great, start there. If you like soft and soothing and calming, start there. Start with what's available. Start with what you could actually show up for right, without pushing yourself too hard Again. It could be safe, it could be simple.
Emily: 34:50
Yeah, it could be something to show up for, yeah.
April: 34:53
Viting yeah.
Emily: 34:55
I think there's something about earning something. I think there's a lot of value put on what we endure, and maybe what we were talking about around how highly sensitive people already endure so much could be a place where people could find permission to give themselves a different experience of this. This doesn't have to be about endurance.
April: 35:19
It's an experiment where you get to trial on different ways of being, and the more permission you can give with yourself and your somatic experience, then you'll be able to take that skill and put it out in the world of how you relate to others and how you show up in other spaces. Such an important practice, yeah, oh, I feel I'm just feeling inspired by it and just realizing how many connection points there are with somatic work and the rest of our lives, so important for sensitive people. Yeah, I'm wondering if you have any outside the box practices that you like to use for yourself, something that would be unexpected or you wouldn't think of as necessarily a traditional somatic practice.
Emily: 35:57
I've realized I do that, I've probably always done, and now I, when I'm doing it, I'm like, oh, that's myself soothing, which is just touching the tips of my fingers together. Yeah, I'm just doing something soothing about just that sensation of the fingertips touching each other. And there are more intentional self-handholds that I'll do if I'm aware of it. But my husband reflected to me he's if you ever stop doing that, I won't ever know what's up with you, because that's your tell. When you're yeah, when you're touching your fingers together, I know you are thinking deeply about something or you're getting a little bit uncomfortable. So that's another thing that I like to remind myself is that you might already be doing some really powerful self-soothing practices that aren't even conscious, and so that can also be a place to start lean into that. If you're on a first date and you're like picking the label on your beer bottle, let yourself do that and let that be soothing. Yeah.
Emily: 37:12
And another one that I love that's more intentional and is just like my favorite go-to whenever I'm just feeling the overwhelm that shows up as like buzzy in the head, heavy head headache, is inversions and a way that I've made that easier for myself. Where it's okay, I don't have to become a handstand headstand super strong in my core guru before I get to experience. This version of soothing is like I have one of those yoga stands, that like feet up, where you can hold on a little easier, and it helps you get into an inversion and that's just my favorite for just getting blood back to my head and my brain, getting a little stretch and traction in the neck and the spinal cord and just flipping everything upside down. It just turns the snow globe around, yeah.
April: 38:07
You can look however you want it to look. Whatever physical, somatic practices feel good. I think of this when I'm doing yoga. It's like sometimes I just make up some moves and that's how yoga started right. Someone just intuitively moving into different body postures and same with our self soothing or somatic practices. Notice what you're doing. Like he said, you use your fingertips. I'll notice that. I'll do like a face hold or I'll just rub my hands over the tops of my thighs, just self soothing, and I do that in organically. It's like, just start to notice what do you do when you're feeling a little nervous or a little stressed or uncomfortable. Just notice what your body does and then lean into that. Those are the practices that might be your go tos. You don't have to recreate the wheel.
Emily: 38:55
Be the playing with your jewelry. It can be, like you said, like the rubbing on your skin or your arms and, yeah, a lot of times in session when a client's touching on something intense, they will instinctually put their hand on their face. And, yeah, and I love to just highlight that moment and invite them to lean into it and to have some awareness and to receive the soothing qualities of that moment, because if we can bring our awareness to what's already happening instinctually, sometimes we can amplify the soothing effect.
April: 39:36
Yeah, I love that. So if there is one message you could share with HSPs who are starting their self soothing process or struggling with overwhelming anyway, what would that be if you could leave them with a message?
Emily: 39:49
Start with what feels inviting and to let yourself go at your own pace and let yourself do what feels approachable and right for you.
Emily: 40:02
If possible, don't look around too much to what other people are doing, to really pay attention to what feels safe and comfortable in your body.
Emily: 40:13
But I do think it's important to note that with somatics that it's not always about calming and soothing and that maybe another message I want to send is don't be afraid of the more uncomfortable feelings that emerge as you start to explore somatic practices.
Emily: 40:36
But when those feelings come up, we don't have to work really hard to make those things go away, because the practice can really be about how can I be with this feeling without judging it, without having to effort really hard to make it into something else? Right, Is there a way that we can be with sadness or irritability or anger or discomfort without panicking, without saying, oh no, I'm sad, I got to make this into something else because I'm supposed to be self soothing, I'm supposed to be calming, that there can be that nuance of we don't want to have to force ourselves into discomfort, but when it arrives we don't need to panic, that we can find a sense of safety even in those moments it's like how do we I think that's the conundrum of somatics is, how do we be with dysregulation without panicking, because a healthy nervous system does not look like flatline, it looks like more of a heartbeat and the up and down which is life. It's like life is not just flatline.
April: 41:52
It's actually welcoming in your big emotions in all their variations and knowing that it's okay to be with them. There's no need to panic that they're here. You don't need to minimize them or push them away. There's wisdom in those emotions. Can we be with them instead of oftentimes doing what we were taught, which is pushing them to the side? Yeah, so good.
Emily: 42:18
To be able to hold your emotions. We often what people really long for is for people just to have space for their experience and their emotions and to not try to fix it, not judge it, not try to make it go away, but just to say, oh, that's happening, okay, hi, it's okay yeah.
April: 42:41
We're not broken. We don't need to fix ourselves. You just need to move through it. That's it.
April: 42:51
And be friendly to your emotions and being with them, knowing that they're not the enemy, they're a friend and they have a lot of wisdom to share and it's okay to let them come through and whatever you're feeling in the moment, whether it's intensity or grief or excitement all the different layers yeah, so important. Emily, thank you so much for this conversation. It was so rich and inspiring and just giving so much permission to be with ourselves, as we are as sensitive people which I think is something we need to hear over and over again that we have a lot to offer and there can be. There's a lot of wisdom in what we bring to the table, and can we just let ourselves be ourselves and use our internal experience more for guidance instead of looking out to whatever else is happening and whatever one else is doing? So thank you.
Emily: 43:37
Yeah, of course, holding the space that you hold in the field and really destigmatizing all of the stuff around sensitivity and kind of turning it on its head and helping people discover the beauty of it and the superpower of it.
April: 43:55
Yeah, thank you. Thanks for joining me in that crusade. So if listeners want to find you, I'll link your website, Instagram and the show notes. Is that the best place for them to reach out to?
Emily: 44:07
Yeah, absolutely yeah. You can go to my website. There's a contact me page. On there. You can read more about who I work with, how I work. You can get a sense of what I'm like. If you want more daily practices or just a little more free resources, my Instagram is a great place to find those.
April: 44:35
Thanks so much for joining me and Emily for today's conversation. What I hope you'll remember is that you don't have to push yourself so hard all of the time. It's okay to slow down and let things be easy. Also, that your body will let you know what you need and when you need it, and it's okay if what works for you does not look like what everyone else is doing. If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe to the sensitive stories podcast so you don't miss our upcoming conversations. Reviews and ratings are also helpful and appreciated For behind the scenes content and more HSP resources. You can sign up for my email list or follow Sensitive Strengths on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Check out the show notes or sensitivestoriescom for all the resources from today's episode. Thanks for listening.
